It's All Coming Back To Me Now
By: Shellie - shelliemg at gmail.com
Chapter 3
The speedometer on his car hit 90 and he eased off. Easy, Josh. Just calm down. He pressed send on his cell phone again and listened to it ring.
"We’re sorry sir, but we’ve attempted to deliver the flowers several times over the past two days. No one has been home."
"Are you sure you got the address right?"
She read it back to him. It was perfect.
"Please leave a message after the tone." The computerized voice on the other end of the line repeated the same words he’d heard seven times already. Why wasn’t she picking up? He pulled into the apartment complex and screeched to a halt in front of her door, his car taking up 2 spaces.
He bounded up the stairs and shoved his key in the lock knowing even before he stepped inside that the place was empty. He couldn’t feel her. He never realized until that moment how strong of a presence she’d had. Every thing was the same, everything in it’s proper location and yet…it’s life was missing. This palace he’d created for her was beginning to crumble at his feet and he could feel himself start to crumble with it. He searched every room, even the closet. Everything was here, even her damn purse. He stood in the middle of the kitchen, fingers pinching the bridge of his nose begging the pounding to stop. It was so loud in his head, the stark silence of the apartment making it seem even louder. He squinted his eyes, opened them and froze as his gaze found her across the room. He moved to the mantle and reached for the small beautifully framed photo that stood there. She was radiant, grinning from ear to ear as she swirled around and around in the park swing. It had been her 18th birthday, they’d gone to lunch and a movie and just spent the day being kids. How much she’d changed since then….and it had only been a few short months. How much she’d change since the day they’d met.
**
JC smiled and stood. He signed the autograph rapidly, dropped a twenty on the table and walked out of the restaurant. It was 4 a.m., he had absolutely no excuse for not being at home in bed, all he wanted was some breakfast. Breakfast alone. Breakfast without fans, smiling teenage girls and autographs. Why could they not just let him eat his fucking food?
He opened the door of his Jeep, hopped in and pealed out, heading god knows where. Just away. Somewhere where no one would know who he was. It was nearly 6 when his stomach wrenched telling him it was tired of waiting, find some food and find it now. Where the hell was he anyway? He’d been driving in circles, turning randomly for the past two hours and god…apparently he hadn’t chosen the best neighborhood in which to dine. He’d probably end up being asked for his wallet and not his autograph if he was to get out here.
Lou’s Diner. Oh well. He pulled up to the curb. Only two people inside. Looked damn good to him.
He chose a booth about halfway down on the left. The seats were a nasty teal with cracked plastic covers and there was a rather large chunk of the slick matching teal tabletop missing on the opposite side of the table exposing the particleboard underneath. He grinned. Nice choice Josh, you’ll be lucky if your don’t die from some strange food disease after eating here but hell, at least there were no teenage girls.
Wrong. He looked up into the most beautiful pair of eyes he’d ever seen. She couldn’t be more than 16, black hair thrown back haphazardly in a ponytail, pen stuck behind her ear. She was a mess and if the expression on her face was any indication, she wasn’t in the best of moods. But she was beautiful none the less. He grinned.
"Hi beautiful." His good humor slightly restored by his drive.
She ignored him.
"I said, Hi, Beautiful"
"Yeah, I heard you. Coffee?"
"Please."
"Black?"
"Cream and sugar."
She plopped the mug in front of him with a clunk and filled it with the black steaming brew that she’d been holding, before walking away. "Well, I guess I’ll have it black then." He commented to himself after she had disappeared from sight. She returned a few minutes later with a pad.
"So, bad morning?"
"Do you want something to eat or what?" Obviously she didn’t have time for his shit.
He ordered. Damn, she was a tough one. Fuck it. He didn’t say another word and just for spite, he hadn’t left a tip.
**
(two nights earlier)
2119. Shannon stood staring at the numbers for a good 10 minutes before raising a shaky hand to knock. She was a bit taken aback by who answered.
"Hey Shannon! Come in!"
Justin stepped back and Taylor all but ran across the room engulfing her friend in her arms. Shannon began to cry.
"Aw, baby, it’s gonna be okay. Did he hurt you? Are you okay?"
Shannon shook her head. "No, no. Nothing like that. He doesn’t even know I’m gone. He’s gonna be so mad, Taylor. He’s gonna be so mad."
"We’ll I don’t give a shit if he’s mad or not, Sha."
"But I love him so much." Shannon clung to her friend like a lost child, tears of fear and loss streaming down her face as Justin watched from where he stood by the open door. Taylor’s eyes met his and she mouthed, "I’m sorry."
He shook his head with understanding. "Noooo problem." He mouthed back. "Should I leave?"
Taylor shook her head no. He shut the door and moved to sit at the head of the bed. She pulled away from Shannon and looked down taking in her friend’s attire. Realization hit her fully. "Sha…you left him for good, didn’t you?" Shannon nodded her face scrunching again as fresh tears begin to fall. "Awww, honey. It’ll be okay."
"I just couldn’t do it anymore, Tay. He didn’t love me…he loves her. He just wants her….he just….uses me and I am dying inside. I can’t do it…but I love him."
"He does care about you, things just got all fucked up. But this is best. It’s not right, the way you’ve been living. It was nice and all but there just has to be more, honey." Taylor ran her hands over Shannon’s dark hair soothingly and she felt her friend begin to shake.
The fear bubbled up like a fountain spilling from her lips in a cry as she pulled away. Her eyes were wild. "Taylor! I don’t have anywhere to go! I have nothing! No one." Her expression was one of a girl possessed as she paced the room. "I don’t have any where to live, any money….I don’t even have any clothes!" She spun suddenly heading for the door. "I have to go back."
Justin Timberlake reached the door before she did. "I’m sorry, I know this is none of my business, but I have only heard about one minutes worth about this guy, whoever the fuck he is, but I am sorry, you aren’t going back there."
Shannon stared up at the handsome man, wondering what he would think if he knew who it was he was talking about. Wondering how things would change for JC if his friends knew he had a "kept woman" on the side. A sexual servant that pampered him, meeting his every need at his leisure. She almost laughed.
"Shannon, you know you can stay with me. I…." Taylor looked past Shannon and smiled slightly at Justin, "Well, I’ve been thinking about maybe sticking around for awhile. We can get a place together, you can get a job, and you’ve taken care of yourself before. It’ll be great, just the two of us. You can’t go back to that, Sha. You just can’t."
Shannon slumped, feeling empty, defeated. She felt Taylor’s arms on her shoulders, leading her towards the bed. She crawled to its center, curling into a ball, staring at her hands. She felt it then. Slide from its normal resting-place just below her collar to plop onto the bed below her chin. Her hand slid up to touch it and her eyes closed. She hadn’t left it all behind. The diamond solitaire he’d given her for her birthday was still hanging around her neck. She’d forgotten all about it. It was a part of her. He’d told her he’d loved her that day. Never before and never since. But she’d always loved him, even at the very beginning he’d had her. He pulled her like a magnet to his side. His smile….those eyes. She’d never forget…..
**
"He’s back again."
"What?" Shannon looked up from her task and stared at Lucy, the other morning waitress. Lucy was staring over Sha’s shoulder.
"That guy you were such a bitch too two mornings ago. He’s back. Same booth."
Shannon rolled her eyes and looked over. "Fuck! Why do I always get the freaks and stalkers?"
Lucy frowned. "Honey, I don’t see a damn thing freaky about that one. I’ll take him."
She sighed. He was a prick. He hadn’t tipped her, not that she’d deserved it. But she needed all the cash she could get today. "No. I got it."
He looked up at her unsmiling. He was wearing a blue plaid shirt. God, his eyes were so nice. "Hello again."
"Yeah. Can I take your order?" She forced a smile and tried to make herself sound bored. Today he wasn’t wearing the hat or the glasses. Must have been why she hadn’t noticed those eyes before…or maybe she had just been so busy being a bitch.
"Yeah, Um…how ‘bout some eggs, sausage and two pancakes. Oh and coffee…black."
She almost smirked. "You got it." She walked away, returning with his coffee knowing he wanted cream and sugar but still not able to being herself to admit defeat. He didn’t say a word.
"He’s watching you again. Shannon, he’s pretty." Shannon looked up to find him watching her reflection in the mirror. He wasn’t pretty at all. He was beautiful." She couldn’t stop the smile.
**
JC pulled the bottle of Advil from the medicine cabinet and dropped 3 of the small tablets into his palm heading to the kitchen in his bare feet. He couldn’t make himself leave. Bobbie was at his house and there was absolutely no way he could handle her tonight. He wasn’t sure how he’d explain his whereabouts to tomorrow but right now, he didn’t care. He opened the fridge and smiled sadly. It was stocked with all his favorite foods. His smile drooped, but what did she like? He knew she liked Dr. Pepper, that was something they’d had in common but what else?
He pulled open the freezer….the pantry and found them the same. His. He gulped down the pills with a can of soda and stared as the reality hit him hard. She hadn’t lived here at all….not in a very long time.
**
You’ve lost your mind, Joshua Scott Chasez. She can’t be more than 17. Not only is that sick, but it’s damn sure against the law. The little bells chimed as he pushed open the diner’s not so clean glass door. He moved again to the same booth but his time, he sat on the opposite side, facing her, gritting his teeth about having that big chunk of particleboard on his side of the table. But he wanted to see her.
He waited 8 minutes, not seeing her and getting worried that he was wasting his time. Then she came flying through the doors, her jingle a lot louder than his.
"Sorry I’m late Lou!" she yelled, "I had to stay at Taylor’s last night and then go home and get my uniform."
"You better get your little ass to work. Customers are waiting." A voice bellowed from the back.
She made a face at Lucy whose eyes then slid across the restaurant to him and back. Shannon turned, their eyes met and she grinned. She walked around the counter grabbed her apron and filling a coffee cup with something she picked up the pot, the cup and her pad and headed in his direction.
"You making a habit of this or what?"
He grinned, "Maybe." She was even more stunning than usual. Her hair was hanging in a silky cascade over her shoulders and she was even wearing make up. Her lips were so pink, so small…he couldn’t tear his eyes away.
"You must be glutton for punishment then, cause I’ve eaten the food." She turned the cup upside down and onto the table fell a mixture of cream and sugar packets. She sat the cup upright, filled it full and turned to walk away. It was a moment before JC’s surprise wore off. She was a few feet away when he caught her.
"Hey!"
She stopped and looked over her shoulder. "Yeah?"
"What did I do to deserve this?"
She shrugged and kept walking her voice wafting softly to his ears, "You came back."
And he kept coming back…every morning for the next two weeks.
**
"My stomach hurts."
Taylor left Justin on the small sofa and walked over. "When was the last time you ate?"
Shannon shrugged.
"Well, no fucking wonder. What do you wanna eat?"
She shrugged again.
"Sha. You’re not being much help. What do you usually eat?"
"Salad. Fruit. Veggies…just food."
Taylor grunted. "That’s not food."
"How about pizza?" Justin stood and walked over to stand behind Taylor. He reached down and swatted Shannon’s foot with his hand. "A nice greasy ass pizza with lots of…..?"
"Mushrooms," Shannon whispered not being able to resist Justin’s charm. She smiled.
Taylor fainted dead away landing on the bed beside her. "Oooooh god! Do you remember when we used to sweet talk Lou into making us those three cheese pizza’s with tons and tons of mushrooms. Oh god! That place had some nasty food, but those pizza’s. We used to get them every Friday night." She slid her arm through Sha’s and winked up at Justin."
He grinned. "Well, I don’t know where Lou is but I can probably find us some pizza. Anything else?"
"Some Dr. Pepper?"
Justin nodded. "No problem."
"I’ll have to pay you back later. I…I don’t have any money." Her voice was so quiet.
He shook his head. "Honey, I think I can get it this time. Really. I’ll be back in a few." Then he spoke to Taylor, "Call me if you need me."
Justin left and Shannon sat up, waited for her sudden head rush to pass and looked over at Taylor. "I’m sorry I interrupted your night with Justin. I didn’t know he would be here."
"Believe me. Justin can wait. I like him but I love you, Sha. You’re like my sister and I will do anything I can for you if you will let me. I was beginning to think I had lost you though. Especially after yesterday."
"I don’t know. He came over and he didn’t say a word. I was laying there in the bed and he just stripped and we fucked. It was so hard and impersonal and then today, he just got up and left. Just walked out. He didn’t say one single word. Not one. And I couldn’t deal. I just broke down and the next thing I knew I heard your message and I just got up and got dressed and left. I didn’t come straight here. I walked for a really long time."
"You could have called, I would have come to get you."
"I just had to get out of that place. It’s so quiet. I couldn’t stand it anymore." Then silently she added. "I miss him, Taylor.
"How can you say that?"
"No you don’t understand. I don’t miss him now…I miss him then."
**
Shannon sighed and stared at the empty table. Three weeks. He hadn’t been back in three weeks. Oh well. She went back to rolling silverware. Why Lou insisted she do it she had no idea. It’s not like it was a classy joint. Lunch was slow today. If things kept up she was going to have to find another job.
The door jingled but she didn’t even bother to look up. The person approached, sliding into a seat at the bar. Damnit, that always meant they wanted to talk.
"Hiya, Beautiful."
Her head flew up and silverware went in every direction. She cursed and he laughed.
"See what you made me do!" She teased and he grinned leaning to prop his chin on his elbow. "I’m sorry. Want me to clean it up?"
"No. I gave up on you a long time ago. You decide to grace us again with your glorious presence?"
"I was out of the country. Just got back today. You think my presence is glorious?"
"I was being sarcastic. I don’t suppose you want breakfast. Lunch?" she squatted behind the counter and began to pick of knives and forks.
"Mmmmm, maybe. I was wondering when you got off."
Slowly she stood back up, eyes wide. "Off of work?"
"Yeah. I mean you’re here so early. Your shift has to end soon."
She looked at the clock, "It ends in about a half hour. Why?"
He shrugged. "I thought maybe you might want to grab a bite. I mean…I know how wonderful Lou’s food is and all, but…"
She smiled. "Okay. I’d wanna run home and change first, but it’s just down the road."
"Sounds great. Now…can I get a Dr. Pepper?"
She shrugged playfully. "Sorry, I drank it all."
"No! You like Dr. Pepper?"
"Love it. Hold on, let me get you some. I think there’s a secret stash."
She’d skipped out fifteen minutes early and they’d nervously stepped outside. They were out of the comfort zone they had established, he was pushing her and she didn’t quite know what to think.
She motioned to the left. "Um…I live that way."
"You walk?"
"Yeah, it’s not far."
"Oh." He sounded a bit surprised.
She grinned, "Honey, you don’t make enough money for a car, working in a shit hole like that?" she jerked her thumb over her shoulder in Lou’s direction and he couldn’t help but laugh.
"Well, I can drive you. My trucks over here."
He led her around to her side and opened the door politely. She rolled her eyes and slid in laughing. "Such manners. Nice truck."
He chuckled as he climbed in behind the wheel. "This is the same truck I’ve had forever. My bud, he just got a Mercedes." He shrugged, "I don’t know. It just doesn’t mean that much to me."
She eyed him curiously. "Could you get one if you wanted one?" He just shrugged. "Ok. Well, can I ask you a question?"
"Sure."
"What’s your name?"
"You mean…Shannon…that you don’t know?"
"Well, SIR, you haven’t been wearing your nametag lately."
"You really don’t know who I am?"
"Should I? I mean, you do look familiar, but I have no idea from where."
He grinned. "Thanks be to Jesus. My name is Josh. Most know me as JC, but if you don’t mind. Josh."
She settled back into her seat. "Josh it is."
**
"Shit." He muttered as he picked up his cell phone. He’d known she’d call eventually.
"Hello?’
"Hey, where are you?"
"I’m at a friends. Just needed a break."
"Oh. Are you coming home soon?"
"Probably not, Bobbie. I…I just need….I just can’t today. I will talk to you later."
"Is everything okay, JC?"
"It’s nothing you need to worry about. I’ll be home tomorrow."
"O…okay."
"See you tomorrow."
He almost felt sorry for Bobbie. It wasn’t her fault he didn’t love her. Not entirely…..
**
"What’s on your mind Josh?"
"What?" he looked up from his glass. He’d been staring into it for nearly 15 minutes.
"It’s obvious you’ve got something on your mind. You’re in another place."
"I’m sorry, Sha. I just don’t quite know what to think about my girlfriend."
He watched her stiffen slightly. She was surprised by that little admission. "Oh? You been with her long?"
"A few months." He shrugged. He enjoyed his time with Shannon, he certainly didn’t wanna drag Bobbie into it.
"Wanna talk about it? I can’t promise I can share any words of wisdom but I am a great listener."
**
And he had. He’d poured his heart out. Right there at the table. They’d sat there for nearly four hours while he’d talked. She listened to every word, soaked it in. And he’d felt completely comfortable telling her every bit of it. And sharing his heart….his soul…. wasn’t something Joshua Chasez did easily.
She became his sanctuary. His sanity. Always listening when he needed a friend. Sometimes she’d talk back, sometimes she didn’t say a word but she was always there for him. And he was growing to love her for it. He only wished he could return the favor. He wanted to know her but she held back and it bothered him. She was hiding something.
**
"So, Sha, tell me about you?" He watched her almost bristle.
"Nothing much to tell."
"How old are you?"
She smiled. "Young."
"Sixteen?"
"No!" She smiled bashfully, "I’m seventeen. I’ll be eighteen in September."
Whoa. Suspicion confirmed. It didn’t deter him in the slightest. "Do you live alone?"
She looked away drawing her hands into her lap beneath the table. "No. I live with my mother and Ray."
"Who’s Ray?"
"Mom’s boyfriend. You want another Dr. Pepper or something?"
"No. Why don’t you want to talk about yourself?"
"There just isn’t anything to tell. No pop star world traveling or anything cool like that." She’d discovered his true identity a few weeks earlier.
When she forgot about their conversation later and returned her arms to the table was when he first noticed the bruises.
Over the next couple of weeks he began to suspect that things weren’t quite right at home. She’d come in late again, admitting to Lou that things had been "bad" at home the night before and she’d had to stay over at Taylor’s. She hadn’t realized he was there and when she saw him, she’d lowered her eyes and went to the back. She’d come to his table 5 minutes later all smiles.
"Morning, J."
"What does ‘bad’ mean, Sha?"
"What?"
"You told Lou that things were ‘bad’ at home last night. What does that mean?"
"Well, you’re all kinda nosy today aren’t you." She’d immediately become defensive.
"No, I just care about you. Does he hurt you?"
Her face went white, the truth was obvious, but she nodded her head no. "He just drinks too much sometimes and yells at mom a lot. I can’t stand it. So I leave. No biggie."
**
He didn’t believe her for a second. It made him furious. The thought of a drunk old man, laying a finger on her…he was forced to take several calming breaths to keep from losing his cool.
Even now it made his blood boil. Ray had been beating her….and he’d known it. And he’d let her stay there. Bile rose up in his throat as the self-hate he’d stored rose to the surface again. Sure he’d helped her…..later. But for 4 weeks….4 long weeks he’d known that drunk fuck was beating her and everyday he went home and let her go back there to it. 4 weeks. Nothing had ever let him forgive himself either. No amount of gifts, money…nothing. He didn’t know if he ever could.
He felt unclean….like satin himself had possessed him and left him dirty. How could you do it? How could you do that to her. All he’d wanted was to take care of her….how had it gotten so far out of control. "You belong to me…." Those words….his own words echoed through his mind like a curse. He was no better than drunk old Ray.