It's All Coming Back To Me Now
By: Shellie - shelliemg at gmail.com
Chapter 6"What’s your name?" He smiled brilliantly at the small freckled little girl.
"Lisa."
He signed her CD and returned it with a pat on the head and a wink. She couldn’t be more than 7. "Well there you go, honey."
He reached for the next and glanced across the crowded lobby looking for Johnny and his rescue. 5 minutes my ass. "What’s your name?"
He missed the response as his eyes found her in the doorway. She was walking, head down, stride brisk, toward the elevators. She knew he would be there, he could tell by the way she avoided looking at the crowd. But her being there was a total shock to him. It almost knocked him down.
"I’m sorry?" he had to ask again.
"Nicole."
He glanced at the teenager then back at the elevator as it slid closed. Their eyes locked and he couldn’t stop the smile. She was breathtaking……but what the FUCK was she doing here?
"You ready to go?" Johnny touched his back and his head jerked around. He realized his hands were shaking as he quickly scrawled his name and handed Nicole her photo back with a mumbled apology. "Are you okay?"
JC blinked at Johnny and nodded. "Yeah. I’m fine. I just thought I saw someone I knew. Did Joey bring someone with him on tour?"
"Joey? No…just Justin. He brought Taylor and her friend…Shana or something."
"Shannon."
"Yeah, that’s it. He didn’t tell you?" Johnny looked surprised.
Joey. I can’t believe I asked if Joey had brought someone. What the hell was that? Talk about over reacting. Damn, JC. And Justin, what’s with him? He hadn’t said a word and they’d been on tour for nearly a week. What the hell was going on?
JC climbed into the van and sat down next to Justin staring at him like he was a stranger. Justin laughed and slapped him on the back. "Did they overwhelm you, J? You look like you saw a ghost." JC just continued to stare.
A mumbled "Uh oh" came from Joey’s direction and Justin’s grin slowly began to fade. He shifted uncomfortably averting his eyes from JC’s intense gaze. "Look man…"
"It’s been nearly a week, Justin."
"She didn’t want you to know."
"Did you think I’d never see her?"
"No, but she didn’t want me to tell you."
"Why?"
"Because she doesn’t want to see you. The longer you didn’t know she was here the better." Justin hated like hell saying that, JC could tell, but he also knew that it was Justin’s opinion that he deserved everything he got from Shannon James.
"She’s gonna be here the entire time?" JC voice sounded strained in the silent van as they made their way towards the venue. Justin nodded.
**
"You coming to the show tonight?"
"I think so. I wanna see it so bad, and now that he knows…"
"Are you sure he knows?" Taylor sat on the bed and watched Sha as she shifted the same item around in her bag again and again.
"He smiled at me. I was all the way in the elevator before I looked over and there he was, watching me. I just knew with all those stupid fans around he’d never see." She sighed. "Oh well."
"He was going to see you sooner or later, Sha. You had to have known this."
"I know…but I was wishing for later."
"This can’t be easy for him either. I mean, your last meeting with him wasn’t exactly pleasant, if you will remember. What makes you think he’s gonna wanna talk to you anyway? Maybe you’ll get lucky and he’ll pretend he doesn’t know you." Shannon wanted to hug Taylor for trying to make it seem like it wasn’t a big deal, but his words from their conversation that first day ran repeatedly through her mind. "Well, I’ll be JC if it means I can be a part of your future, Sha…"
"I don’t know that he will try to talk to me." She lied…and wished that it were true.
"Well, just get dressed, come to the show and stay with me. If JC comes near, I’ll tell his ass to fuck off."
Shannon laughed and started to get dressed.
When the music died and the house lights came up, She stood still staring at Taylor. Taylor grinned, "It’s good huh?
"Oh my god! It kicked ass! Taylor! They are soooo good. Justin….and JC…and Joey….and…"
"Lance and Chris. Yes I know. Let’s go back to the hotel and find my man."
When they got there the first person they encountered was Joey, taking pictures in the lobby. He excused himself and jogged over, bodyguard in tow, and hopped on the elevator with them. Shannon and Joey had only spoken once since that night at the club and it had only been a quick exchange of hellos.
"Hey you two, what are you up to?"
"Just got back. Looking for Justin." Taylor smiled.
"Oh my god, Joey. The show was so…amazing!" Shannon beamed.
He grinned. "Thanks. I’m glad you liked it." The elevator stopped and they got off. "Hey, you have plans? You wanna hang out?"
Sha hesitated, wanting to accept but still having that bad taste in her mouth from the result of her last encounter with Joey. JC has nothing over you, Sha. She reminded herself but it was Taylor that finally settled things.
"Well, she’s gonna need something to do in a second anyway…cuz I am gonna be busy."
Shannon rolled her eyes and laughed looking at Joey. "They are like fucking rabbits, I swear to god!"
He laughed and tugged her with him to his room. She talked him out of going to a club and they spent the next few hours watching tv and just hanging out. It was something she hadn’t done in a very long time. Justin was the only man in her life these days and she realized the more she laughed, that she’d really been missing out.
"Hey, do you mind if I am nosy for a second?" Joey asked smiling sweetly. She knew what was coming but she shrugged. "Well, I believe I was the cause of some trouble a while back and I don’t exactly know what happened. All I do know is that JC didn’t speak to me for like a month and….well….I am kind of in the dark."
She sighed and smiled slightly. "It’s kind of confidential Joey. JC and I …well, we knew each other."
"I got that part…but what did I do? Other than flirt with a beautiful girl?" he reached out and flipped her hair playfully.
"Well…"
"I’ll keep your secrets, Sha. I promise."
"JC and I…we have a past. When I was hanging out with you that night….well, I was seeing him."
"But he…"
"Was dating Bobbie. Yes. I know. But we’d been together for months. He walked up with you trying to smooch on me, your hand in the hole on the ass of my jeans and he flipped out. We broke it off because of it."
Joey’s mouth was hanging open. "Oh my god! I’m so sorry! I had no idea. He was cheating on Bobbie? JC? Mr. Perfect I would never do anything as heinous as cheat on my perfect girlfriend like you Joey Fatone. That JC? Holy shit! I can’t believe it. I’m sorry if I messed you guys up."
She reached out touching Joey’s arm softly. "No, no. Don’t be. JC and I….we were wrong together. It was the best thing that could have happened. I promise."
"He was really surprised to find out you’d come. He was upset that no one told him. Now I understand why. Have you two talked?"
"I have answered the phone twice when it was him calling Justin. Not other than that."
"Wow. This must be tough on you both." He smiled and again reached out to touch her hair. "Well, all I have to say is that JC is a dumbass if he didn’t see what a treasure he had when he had it."
She smiled, blushing slightly. "Joey! That was so sweet. Thank you!"
It was nearly 4 when she finally forced him to let her leave. She hugged and kissed him goodnight and was heading back down the hall towards her room when someone flew around the corner and nearly knocked her over. His chin hit her squarely in the eye and she stumbled back. He grabbed her arms to catch her. "Whoa! I’m sorry."
She bent pressing the ball of her hand into her eyes as she sucked air in through her teeth. He grabbed her wrist. "Sha..? Sha, baby is that you?"
They both jerked as the words slipped from his lips like he’d been saying them all his life.
"I mean….I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you…let me see." He reached for her again and pulled her hand from her face. "Damn." He rubbed it gently with his fingers. His face was so close…his lips. "It’s swelling a little, I’m so sorry. Let’s get you some ice."
"I got it JC. I can get some."
"Sha, don’t be a pain. Let me help you." He turned and led the way to her room. The fact that he already knew which room was hers alarmed her slightly but she just let him go. He got a bucket of ice and a wash cloth making a small pack for her eye and sitting her on the sofa. "What in the hell were you doing out there at this time of the night anyway?"
He sat beside her and fussed over her face. "I was coming back to my room."
"From where?"
"I was with Joey." His movement stopped as he stared down at her, his face inches from her own. She could see the pain….and maybe a little bit of anger in his eyes. "JC. I’m fine. I can handle it. You can go now."
He scooted back and frowned. Then she watched as the previous emotions faded, leaving only sadness in their wake. He reached up and ran his fingers over her cheek lightly and smiled a sad smile as he tucked her hair behind her ear. "It seems no matter what I do…I’m always hurting you. I’m sorry, Sha."
She couldn’t speak. Instead she nodded as she looked down at her lap. Silently he stood and left the room.
**
Shannon brushed her hair down and pulled on one of Justin’s hats that she’d stolen from Taylor. She grabbed her duffel and headed down stairs hoping to avoid as many people as possible on her way to the bus.
It wasn’t meant to be. She was halfway between the elevator and the door when she was intercepted. "Hey you!" Joey’s tired but smiling face appeared in front of her. She didn’t look up at him completely trying to keep her eyes, and the shiner that surrounded one of them in the shadow of her hat.
"Hey."
"Where you off to in such a hurry? The bus don’t leave for like a half hour." He squatted a little trying to see her face more clearly.
"Oh. I was just gonna go wait."
"Which one you riding? I’m going on the back one if you wanna ride with me. Cool?" She nodded and started to move past him. That didn’t work either. He stepped over to block her path again. "Hey, what is with you?" he touched her chin lifting it until she was forced to look him in the eye. His mouth dropped open as he pushed the hat off the back of her head. "Shannon! What the hell happened?"
Justin and Taylor stepped off the elevator and Joey turned to them a frown on his face as he still held Sha’s chin in his hand. "Have you seen this?"
JC stepped off the next elevator and paused as he watched the scene unfold before him.
Shannon shook her face free of Joey’s grasp and took the hat back pulling it back over head. "Sha, what the fuck happened?" Justin demanded as he and Taylor approached both frowning.
She shrugged and glanced away her eyes meeting with JC’s. She made a face and he shook his head approaching slowly to help. "It’s all me. I bopped her one last night. I’m sorry again, Sha."
"You hit her?" Justin and Joey both turned on him in unison.
"Not on purpose!" she interrupted before they both jumped JC. "We ran into each other. Literally. I was going back to my room last night and when I rounded the corner. Wham! There was JC’s pointy ass chin. It was an accident."
"JC, Justin, Joey, can you guys come here?" Johnny called from across the lobby. The guys disappeared and Taylor shook her head at Sha.
"Never in my life…how did this happen?"
"Just like I said. His chin…hurt like a mother fucker. Then he had to "help" me. I finally just had to send him away. He was all pissed cuz I told him I had been with Joey."
"How’d that go? Joey, I mean." They moved towards the lobby doors.
"We had a good time. Joey’s a blast. I like him."
"And he’s cute."
"Taylor. Don’t even head in that direction. Please. I have enough shit of my own right now. I certainly don’t need you adding to it."
The buses were parked one behind the other at the front entrance to the hotel. "Which one are we getting on?"
"I just told Joey I’d ride with him."
"Then I will make Justin ride with you guys."
"Hey!" both girls turned to look as JC jogged up behind them. He smiled at Sha. "Can I talk with you for a sec?"
She shrugged and he looked pointedly at Taylor. She made a face. "Damn, I guess I will wait on the bus."
Sha looked up at JC. "What’s up?" Her head was beginning to hurt from her little eye injury. The lack of sleep wasn’t helping. She really wasn’t prepared to deal with JC on top of all that.
"Are you ok?"
"Yes. Just a headache. How’s your chin?’
"My chin is fine." He laughed then sobered as he glanced around. "I was….uh…wondering if you’d maybe ride with me on the bus so we could talk or something."
"JC, I don’t think so-"
"All I want to do is talk, Shannon."
"I know, JC, but I have a headache and I’m tired and….well, honestly, I just don’t wanna talk to you. I’m sorry." She started to turn towards the bus when he grabbed her arm to stop her.
"Shannon, please….just give it a chance. We can fix this. I …just want to try. Just talk. That’s all I’m asking."
"I’m sorry, JC but no. I’m riding the bus with Joey."
His face turned angry. "What is with you two. You’re with him every day lately."
She jerked her arm from his grip and frowned up at him just as Joey walked up. He looked from one to the other, lightly resting his arm on Shannon’s shoulder. She looked up at him and smiled.
"You still coming with me?"
She nodded and smiled sadly at JC. "I’m sorry, JC. It just isn’t going to be fixed."
Once on the bus Joey leaned forward to speak into her ear. "Did I interrupt something I shouldn’t have?"
Shannon shook her head and rolled her eyes. "He thinks I should just be like, oh, it’s the past JC. Let’s just talk and it will all be fixed. It was too hard for that, Joey."
"I know, hon. How’s your eye?"
"I think I am getting a headache. Plus….we just stayed up to damn late last night." She laughed wearily.
"Well, lets get you some Advil and we can climb into my bunk and take a nap if you want, or talk or whatever." He rested his hand on her shoulder and she smiled up at him.
"You’re the best, Joe."
"I know. Now, lets find you some medicine."
**
"Hey you guys, we’re here." His voice sifted through the fog in her brain penetrating just enough to cause her to stir. His voice…she smiled, her eyes drifting open slowly to find him watching her. Her smile broadened slightly but his fell flat as he looked behind her. He crossed his arms over his chest and sneered at her as he spoke. "Cozy?" he whispered sarcastically and she scrunched her nose in confusion.
"Take a hike, J." Joey’s voice came quietly… stealthily from behind her and her eyes widened as she realized why JC looked so pissed. She was sleeping in Joey’s bunk with Joey. She rolled her eyes.
"JC, you really need to get over yourself and stop giving me these nasty looks and hissed remarks." She mumbled as she sat up and slid to the ground. "First of all, I don’t belong to you so it doesn’t matter who’s bed I nap in or who’s room I hang out in. Secondly, Joey is being a friend to me. Listening to me instead of bitching, commanding and telling me how he feels all the time. He’s just my friend and you need to get over this ridiculous jealousy thing you have going on. Even if we weren’t just friends, you’d still have no say so just butt out. I’m sorry but….just butt the fuck out."
She walked past him and off the bus not believing she’d just thrown her little temper tantrum right there in front of everyone. Great, Sha, show your ass. Real good one. She stood outside and waited for Justin and Taylor, who was smirking like a fool. "Shut up." She told her friend as they finally exited the bus.
"I really liked that. He needed it. He just doesn’t know when to take a hint."
"I made an ass out of myself, Taylor."
"No, you made an ass out of him…or better yet, you pointed out what an ass he is making of himself. Did he say something to you last night about being in Joey’s room?"
"No, but he looked at me like I’d kicked him in the balls. Then when he stopped me earlier he said something about me being with Joey again. Joey is nice. JC needs to just leave me alone."
Once in their room Sha found her head pounding again. Taylor had left her lying on the couch and gone off in search of food when someone knocked softly. Sha sighed and pushed up from the sofa.
She peaked out the door and groaned. Pulling it open she rolled her eyes and sighed. "Yes?"
"I’m sorry, Sha."
"JC, this is becoming a habit."
"I just want to come in and talk to you for a second. Please…just hear me out. You don’t even have to talk. I’m not going to stop bugging you until you do."
Sha opened the door wider and he stepped in shutting it behind him. "Have a seat. Make your self at home." The sarcasm in her voice made him frown but she didn’t care at this point. Her eye was pounding and she was not in the mood for JC and his shit.
"Knowing that I annoy you this much bothers me." he spoke quietly as he sat on the opposite edge of the couch as her. "I don’t want it to be this way, I just…don’t know what to say. I have to say something though…I can’t stand this." He stared down at his hands turning them in his lap, staring at them as he sought for the right words. "I thought you were gone forever. For a while I was just numb. Numb to everything. Your words cut me like a knife, true or not, and I think I just shut down. I was like that for months ... until I talked to you again. That day you answered the phone at Lynn’s….hearing your voice. Everything just came back….full force. It nearly knocked me down it was so strong. I’ve done nothing but think about it since that moment. From the day we met on….every day, every night has replayed again and again in my mind. I changed so much….I can’t believe the person I became….the person I let you become…but you changed too. What happened to you, Sha? You were like…..dead inside." His eyes filled with tears as he dropped his head to look at his hands again. When he spoke his voice was hoarse with emotion. "To think that I …made you that way….so dead inside…..it kills me. How did I do it? How did I let it happen? I saw it, ya know….not during but after. I’m so sorry that things were like that but….I’m not that person you saw. I’m still me…Josh…the one you used to….love? Did you ever love me, Sha?" She couldn’t look at him. At his eyes questioning her. She looked away as the tears ran down her cheeks. "I thought you loved me…for a long time I did. I loved you too, ya know. I know I never told you….just that one time. On your 18th birthday. Do you remember?"
He’d loved her. He’d loved her. She nodded yes. She remembered like it was yesterday.
"You are so beautiful. Have I ever told you that?"
Shannon looked up at her lover and smiled, "You have. But you’re welcome to tell me again."
He grinned and pushed her away from him again. She loved to swing. Ever since she was a child she’d loved it. It was her 18th birthday and he’d spent the entire day with her and promised her the night as well. They’d had breakfast and laid in bed, gone to a movie and had a late lunch and now they were at the park. She smiled thinking how good the day had been. Things had been tough lately…he’d been so distant. Maybe that was passing…god, she hoped so.
"So, you ready for your present now?"
"My present? But you get me presents all the time. Just spending the day with you is present enough." She leaned back, dropped her head back and looked up at him smiling.
Josh propped his hands on his hips and made a silly face. He was in such a wonderful mood today. "Oh please. If I didn’t get you a present for your birthday, you’d never say a word…but your heart would be broken forever."
She giggled. "Nah."
He circled the swing and leaned down gripping the chain on either side just above the seat. "This one was hard to find though."
"Why?"
"Well, I wanted to find something as wonderful…beautiful…sexy…as you are." He dropped a tender kiss on her lips between each word. "It was difficult indeed. But because I love you, I did it."
The words had echoed through her a million times. "…because I love you…" He stood and reached into his jacket pulling a slender black box from the pocket nearest his heart. He squatted in front of her and her eyes widened at the sight of it.
"This is what I came up with." He lay the box gently in her hands. "I hope you love it as much as I do you." Her heart was pounding but not because of the gift.
She opened the box to find a sparkling gold chain with a diamond solitaire pendent hanging delicately beneath. It was beautiful…breathtaking…perfect. "Josh!"
"Do you like it? They had bigger ones but…they just seemed too flashy for you. I wasn’t sure..."
She hadn’t been able to speak. She’d cried like a baby and he’d taken it and placed it gently around her neck. She hadn’t taken it off since.
It hung there still. The one thing she’d taken with her. She fingered it now as she tried to figure out how to respond to JC’s confession. The words found their own way…
"I remember. Of course I remember. I lived for those words. And yes I loved you. I loved you more than life…everything I did I did because of you….I changed into that …that nothing because I loved you." Her voice was so soft, almost a whisper. "I waited for you for so long, Josh…and you came to me a million times…but you never stayed. I couldn’t…still can’t be your second choice. I appreciate your apology, and I believe you, I truly do…but I can’t just wipe it all away. I just cant. I’m sorry. I’m not intentionally trying to hurt you but you’re just not a part of my life anymore. At least not like you were."
He nodded silently. "Can you forgive me…at least that much?"
"I do. I forgave you already. But that’s all I can do right now, Josh."
He stood moving towards her as if in slow motion. He bent, brushing his lips against hers briefly before he turned and walked away. He looked at her once more before he walked out the door. And her heart broke…again….into a million pieces.