Lustful Memoirs
By: Gina - gina@basic-nstynct.com
Chapter ThirteenHands grasped my shoulders as the refrigerator light flooded the room. My body went numb. I turned around, prepared to defend myself against the intruder. I spun and found none, only the stark blue eyes of JC.
"You scared the hell out of me," I stated, my voice less then calm.
"I'm sorry." He replied.
He backed away from me and sat on one of the stools situated around the cooking island. "Is there something you wanted?" I questioned.
"I don't know. I guess I wanted to apologize to you and I didn't know how." He looked like a man fatigued from too many hours of worry. His words formed slowly and they were muttered barely above a whisper. I sat down on one of the stools across from him. He looked at me, the sadness very apparent on his features and in his eyes.
"You didn't need to apologize, but since you did, apology accepted. I just work here, JC, I just don't want to get in your way and ever since I got here it seems that I just get in your way, quite literally I might add. We are always bumping into each other."
I saw his face break from the eternal gloom into a smile and I was quite glad. His body worn, tired from the mental exhaustion he seemed to be suffering from. I looked up at him, peering through the virtual darkness that surrounded the room. I wanted him to open up but I had no reason to believe that he would, nor did I have any right to expect him to. We sat in the uncomfortable silence for what appeared to me to be an eternity. I felt the fatigue radiate through every sinew of muscle in my body; I couldn't bare the quiet or the haunted gaze any longer. I rose from my perch on the bench, and once again opened the refrigerator. I grabbed a bottle of water and opened the cap. I turned to find JC still sitting, still staring.
"Would you like something to drink." I asked, trying to keep my tone casual, non-offensive.
"I'll take some water, please," he replied, his voice barely audible. I grabbed another bottle, closed the fridge and walked toward him. I sat the bottle in front of him and asked if would like a glass. He declined.
"Well, JC," I began, "if you don't need anything, I'm going to bed." I didn't want to leave him, but I felt powerless sitting in the kitchen with him, besides the fact that my body threatened to collapse at any moment.
"Can I sleep with you?" He asked the question, turning his face away from me. I didn't know what to say. This man sitting before me, my employer, seemed empty and alone. He was asking for my solace. My mind was filled with turmoil. He wanted to share my bed, however, Johnny told me that sleeping with the members of the group was not allowed. My heart torn, I didn't know how to respond to the question, or to the man. There was definitely something about him that pulled me toward him; it had been there since the very first night that I had met him. What it was, I was not yet aware. But there were rules to follow and circumstances leading me to say no. I had been with Joey shortly before, I wouldn't feel comfortable being with JC without a trip to the shower. On top of that, it wasn't his night and I wasn't supposed to wake up with them. In that instant I realized that it was unclear to me what he was asking. Did he wish to actually sleep with me or was he just looking for a release? I shook my head, what was I to do?