Lustful Memoirs
By: Gina - gina@basic-nstynct.com
Chapter Twenty EightI took a deep breath and tried to control myself. I gazed intently into his eyes. "What did you want to talk to me about?"
"Nothing in particular, I just wanted to talk."
I let out a sigh of relief, shaking my head, I was paranoid. "Okay, that’s fine with me, but I’m not sure I’m very good at it."
"At what, talking? Don’t be silly, we talked all the way here. I’m sure we will find something to talk about." He said, looking at me with those eyes and smiling. I let myself continue to look at him as he looked at me. Our stares interrupted when the waiter delivered two glasses of water, one with lemon, one without. I stared at the glass, not knowing how to respond. He had remembered that I didn’t like lemon in my water. A weird feeling coursed through my body, I was truly touched by this small gesture. We ordered the rest of our meal and the waiter departed leaving us alone once again. I watched as he gazed over the railing to the water below, lost with his own thoughts, the sadness filling his eyes. I took a deep breath, knowing that I was about to head down a path with my final destination unknown.
"Do you want to talk about her?" I asked, fear of his reaction raising in my throat. His gaze suddenly jerked from the calm water to me. Anger, sadness, despair, loneliness, every emotion of hurt radiated through the crystal blue of his eyes. Moments past, neither of our stares averting from the other. I finally looked down, not knowing what else to do. As I watched the condensation begin to drip down the glass that held my water I heard the man sitting a mere three feet from me sigh. I then heard a deep intake of air as he rose from his chair and departed. It was then that I looked up and watched as he walked away from our table, from the virtual paradise that surrounded us, from me and from the subject of what haunted him.
I sat watching the path that he used to walk away for an assumed eternity. I was transfixed, not a muscle in my body wanted to move, and my mind didn’t want to think. I wonder now what the restaurant staff was thinking about our peculiar behavior, but at that moment, there was just me, the soft waves below me, the sound of the birds above me, the smell of the salt water surrounding me and an empty chair before me. Regret did not enter my mind, there was only one way for him to release the anguish that tore through him, and that was to talk about it, and move on for life is too short to allow someone to ruin even one single solidarity moment of it. I picked up my glass and took a sip of the water, as the waiter appeared before me, holding the food we were to consume. He placed my entree in front of me and placed the other down in front of the empty chair, then he too departed, following the same path, JC had traveled moments before. I sat, watching the steam rise from the savory food. I picked up my fork and began to turn my steamed carrots over and over, breaking my mother’s long instilled rule of not playing with my food, but my stomach churned and eating was the last thing that I could think to do.
After several moments, I glanced at my watch, he had been gone ten minutes. I began to wonder if he had just left me there at this restaurant to find my own way home. I motioned for the waiter and he came over, I asked for the bill. He informed me that the bill had already been paid. Anger coursed through me, I had only asked a question, he could have declined to answer but to leave me without so much as a "sorry, bitch, you are on your own," was inexcusable. I rose from the table and grabbed my purse, the food long forgotten in my mind. I walked into the restaurant, making my way through to the other exit, where I would or wouldn’t find his car. I opened the door and glanced to the space that the Jeep had occupied, it still resided there. I lowered my head, gazing to the ground, I felt defeated. I longed to get back to Johnny’s, tell him that this wasn’t going to work out for me, and then catch the first flight back to LA. Within moments all of those resolutions changed, I felt strong hands grip my shoulders and turn me around.
"Let’s go for a walk," were his only words as he grabbed my hand and pulled me with him. We traveled down the road several feet before stopping in front of a row of benches, apparently set so that people could look out over the water. He motioned for me to join him on one of them. I followed him. I sat beside him and observed him. His eyes looked straight ahead focusing on nothing in particular, as he searched for the words that he wanted to say. Suddenly he rose, startling me, making me wonder if he was going to storm off again. But he did not, he only pulled his wallet from his pocket before once again lowering himself back onto the bench. He opened the black leather, removed a picture and handed it to me. I gasped by what I saw, staring back at me was my own image.