Lustful Memoirs
By: Gina - gina@basic-nstynct.com
Chapter ThirtyOur mouths met, briefly, before he pulled away. I couldn’t see him, but his eyes would only reveal what I already knew. He was thinking about her. I sighed, wanting more then anything to be able to explain to him what had happened. Why she had left, how it was that I looked like her? I didn’t have any answers for him, and I certainly had no words to console him, it took all of my strength to console myself of the heartache I was feeling.
"Blake," I heard him whisper. I turned to look at him, though it was futile, darkness enveloped us, making vision impossible. "I want to be with you, I want to feel you wrapped around me, I want to bury myself within you, I want to..." He trailed off not finishing. I remained still, looking to the blackness, seeing only a vague silhouette of him. I could not refuse him, though I wanted to, I wanted to tell him no, I wanted to return to the house, I wanted to be with Justin, where everything was straightforward and uncomplicated. I couldn’t do any of it. It was my job to do what he wanted, I was being paid for it. I couldn’t let my personal feelings stand in the way of my job. Feeling, for the first time in my life, the overwhelming dread of being intimate with a man, I turned to him. I reached into the darkness between us and placed my hands on his chest. I rubbed the taut muscles that were covered by the thin material of his shirt. His mouth met mine, gone was the softness, the tenderness, as he crushed my lips with his own, thrusting his tongue within the recess of my mouth. Our tongues battled as I unbuttoned his shirt. His hands kneaded the flesh of my back, before he wrapped his arms around me and lifted me into his lap. Trying with every ounce of my being to keep the personal torment I was feeling at bay, I pulled my mouth from his, starting a wet trail of kisses down his neck, I bit softly, all the while my hands roamed his chest, teasing his nipples, pinching them. He was already hard, I could feel his cock pressed against my center, moving every so often as he shifted his body weight. He had made quick work of my shirt and bra, which laid on the muddy ground. His hands found my breasts and he massaged them in his hands, pulling on my nipples, pinching my tender flesh, his mouth sucked and bit gently on my neck as mine did his. His breathing was deep, his pulse raced, his cock quivered beneath me, longing to be set free from the cloth barrier. I lowered my hands from his chest and unbuttoned his pants, moving my hand inside I felt him shudder as I made unrestricted contact with him. I stroked him gently, turning him on more and more. I, however, remained unaffected by our actions, my mind battled against itself. I had to continue, I had no choice, yet every cell in my body was screaming for me to stop. I felt detached, like an observer of the scene and not a participant in it. My hands roamed, my lips kissed, my body moved in the sensual ways of lust, and yet, the feelings of passion and desire that I had longed for all of my life where absent, replaced by heartache. Marie would scold me, I was sure, but for now, I had to ignore that, I had to ignore all of my personal feelings, for I was at work, and had a job to do. With one final sigh, I turned my full concentration to the man before me.
I separated from him, raising myself off of his laps to stand before him, my breasts exposed, the lower half of my body still covered with my clothing. I swiftly removed it, then went to work on removing the remainder of his clothes. His impatience was evident. For he quickly pulled rose from the bench, kicking off his shoes, he removed his pants, boxers and socks in one fluid movement. I felt his naked body now press into my own exposed flesh. His hardness rubbing against my thigh as he mouth ravaged mine. I ran my hands up and down his back, as he pressed me closer to him, molding our bodies together. I moved from his mouth, trailing kisses down his neck to his chest. I flicked my tongue across each of his nipples before moving further south. I licked down his hard abdomen, inserting my moist tongue into his navel. He threw his head back as my mouth engulfed his cock. Animalistic moans escaped from his throat as I licked the engorged member, trailing my tongue up and down his length, to swirl around the head and then continue. I felt him start to move his hips in the rhythm that he preferred. Relaxing my mouth and throat, I let him fuck my mouth, I felt his body tense and he pulled out of my mouth.
"Blake," he whispered, "I...need...you...now."
He pulled me up to him, raising me into his arms, only to lower me to the bench. He spread my legs, one resting on the back of the bench, the other on the rain moistened ground. He positioned himself between my legs and without warning entered me. I wasn’t ready, I bit my lip to hold back the pain. He hesitated, noticing that I was unprepared for him. He lay still, buried deep within me. Ignoring the pain, I thrust my hips toward him and urged him to continue. He didn’t move.
"JC, please I need you." I begged him, masking my voice in seduction, willing our time together to be over quickly. He began slowly, I squeezed him and gyrated my hips toward him, hoping to hurry the pace. He obliged, I think happy to do so, and soon he was lost to the feelings overcoming his body. His thrusts became more urgent, his need to get deeper within me causing him to thrust into me with an anxious abandon. He whispered many breathless words, none that I could understand. I lay, concentrating on satisfying him, long forgetting the pain. As he entered me, my inner walls would squeeze him, only to relax as he pulled out, my hands rubbed his back and his hair. When my mouth wasn’t nipping and licking his skin, I whispered his name, something I had found that he enjoyed. Lost in my deep thoughts of what I needed to do to please him, I hadn’t realized how close to the edge he was. With one final feral thrust, he coated my inner walls with his juices. His body quivered and shook as his orgasm rocked him. Sweat poured off of him, covering me as his liquid coated my inner thighs. Completely spent, he laid his body over mine willing himself to calm down. His breathing was erratic, his heart racing. Within minutes, I felt his breathing slow and his heart beat return to normal. He rose, separating our sweat covered skin. As he stood, he kissed me gently on the cheek. I laid still, determined to not let the tears flow from my eyes. I felt his hand in mine as he helped me up. He handed me my clothes. I said not a word. I quickly dressed in the muddy clothes, and I made my way to the Jeep. He followed behind me. I was thankful for the darkness. I didn’t want him to see the tears that almost poured from my eyes, I didn’t want him to think that he meant anything to me. I didn’t want him to mean anything to me. He opened my door. I looked to my clothes and then the gray interior of his truck. I turned to ask him if he had towels or a blanket that we could cover the seats with, it was then that I saw his eyes. The emotion behind them was unmistakable. Quickly I turned from him. I didn’t want to see the feelings that he had for her. I wanted to get back to the house. Disregarding the regal interior, I jumped in the Jeep and secured myself with the seatbelt. He took the seat beside me, I refused to look at him, I kept my eyes glued on the darkness outside the passenger’s side window.
Not ten minutes had past when, he parked the vehicle in front of the house. He glanced at me, I forced myself not to look at him. I opened the door and exited. I started to walk toward the house when I felt him grab my arm. He turned me toward him, yet I kept my eyes on the ground.
"Blake, are you okay?" He asked, the sincerity of his words lost to me for I did not look at him.
"I’m fine, JC. I just have to go take a shower, I’m late for my date with Justin."
I didn’t see his reaction, but I felt his hand fall from my arm, I heard the sharp intake of air, I knew my words stung. But it was not me that hurt him, it was his lost love. Turning on my heel, I walked toward the house his eyes burning into my back. I hoped that no one, especially Justin was around, I wanted a hot shower and some time to myself before I had to face anyone.
I got my wish, I walked through the house unnoticed. I walked into my room, happy for the solitude. "Get it together, Blake," I yelled at myself, "you aren’t going to lose this job because you fucked up and developed feelings him. You have answers to find. Now, get your ass in the shower, get cleaned up, and hope to God that Justin will be gentle when he punishes you for standing him up."
As the final words of my self-induced pep talk left my lips, I made my way to the bathroom.