Lustful Memoirs
By: Gina - gina@basic-nstynct.com
Chapter FiftyI smiled at the man standing before me. His mouth pulled in the never-ending grin, his eyes held a delight for life not seen anywhere else. His entire demeanor was infectious, letting me, for a short time, leave the events of the hallway there. I shrieked as he pulled me into a hug, wrapping his arms around me, lifting my feet from the ground and twirling me around. He put me down, pulling away, his gaze meeting mine, his mouth breaking into that patented Fatone grin.
"Blake, damn I never expected it to be you."
I shrugged my shoulders, the smile on my face permanent in his presence. "Here I am." I stated, suddenly uncomfortable, suddenly unsure.
"Well, come in here, tell me what the hell you’ve been up to." He motioned me further into the room.
We sat across from each other in two chairs that lined the windows. I glanced around the room, clothes strewn in all directions, the wet bar opened and missing items, typical Joey.
Deciding it would be better to start the conversation and therefore talk about him and not me, I turned to him, "So, Joey, I’ve heard rumors about you."
"Blake, I assure you," his mouth pulled into a grin, "they are not true, I didn’t fuck Chyna, I don’t have any love children." He paused, looking away, his brow furrowed in thought, he looked at me and timidly asked, "what else have you heard?"
I laughed, "the one about love, Joey, that you’ve found it. The girl that was sent to replace me reported back to Marie that she only had two clients in Florida. I thought that Chris finally woke up and didn't partake, when I heard it was you, I could have died."
Joey blushed. It was the first time I had ever seen the crimson color burn his cheeks.
"Truth is, I've had it all along, Blake. I just wasn't looking. But when I finally opened my eyes. It was right there."
It was my turn to look confused, "Joey, then what the fuck am I doing here?"
He chuckled. "I think you're here to make money."
"Joey, damn you. I replied, enjoying our friendly banter. "You know what I mean."
"Okay, okay. Damn, impatient woman. Here's the story. My friend promised me the best LA had to offer, this wasn't exactly what I was expecting." He rolled his eyes, shaking his head. "When he told me his plans, I called Kelly. She's such a great girl, Blake. You have to meet her. Anyway, she told me that she didn't give a shit what I did. She knew I was coming home to her. Can you believe that? She trusts me explicitly, even though she knows about my past about my every indiscretion. She still loves me and trusts me enough to make the right decisions. It just further cemented what I now know. She’s the one for me, always has been, always will be. We’ve been friends forever, and one day I woke up and it became so much more. I meant to call my friend and tell him to cancel or have you meet him instead. I didn't want any part of this. But I never got the chance. So tonight, I decided that I would just meet the girl, pay her and send her on her way. Then I saw you, and was glad that I never picked up the phone."I gave him a stern look, "Oh, since it's me, it's okay to cheat on your girlfriend?"
"Blake, I could never have sex with you."
My eyes widened in shock. "Um, Joey, we've sort of done that before."
"Yeah, Blake, we have. But that was before one of my best friends fell in love with you."I was stunned, what the hell was he talking about. Who the hell was he talking about? The image of the four friends that he could be referring to passed before my eyes. Certainly he wasn’t speaking of Lance, with his green cat-like eyes, and smooth southern charm. It couldn’t be him, for Lance was in love and very much smitten with Jen. I’d only had two conversations with the man, and while both were pleasant, he couldn’t have known me well enough to even consider. His love for Jen was so great that the thought would have never entered his mind. It couldn’t be Chris, the dark haired, dark eyed clown of the group. Chris was also involved, and even though he wasn’t faithful, I couldn’t imagine Chris falling in love with me. We worked well together in bed, but outside of that we never really talked. That left the remaining two, the best friends. The dark hair, the blue eyes, the chiseled features burned on my eyelids as I closed my eyes in thought. He continued to pine over his ex-girlfriend, and the emptiness caused by her desertion. Although she looked like me in every way, I wasn’t her. He thought of me as whore, someone he wanted out of their life, someone he told Justin he would have to choose between. Justin, the compassionate eyes, the pouted lips, the mass of golden curls. During my time in Florida, I had grown closest to him, had thought that we bonded, had thought that I loved him. If Joey had said those words to me earlier that morning, before I witnessed Justin in the lobby with his girl, I would have had no doubt that the friend of whom he spoke was Justin. But at that moment, sitting in that chair, thinking about the young blonde, thinking about the conversation in the hallway, I knew that it couldn’t be Justin either, and if it was him then the sentiment was no longer true, not after the words that I had hurled at him.
I shook my head, overwhelmed, still unsure, I looked back toward Joey, "One of your friends loves me," I gave him an incredulous stare, "give me a break Joey."
"Blake, they say I’m oblivious, but damn girl, you are thick."
I took offense to his words and reacted in the only way I knew how, the protective defense that had become second nature, the words like daggers spouting from my mouth. "Look, Joey. I don’t really care about your friends, or their feelings for me. I’m here to do a job, and if you can’t sleep with me, I’m sorry, but you will still owe me the money. You might as well get your money’s worth."
Joey rose from his chair, coming to stand directly in front of me. "Blake, I’m not going to sleep with you, but I am going to pay you. So, just relax. We have all night to talk. And I’m telling you that if you can’t see that he loves you, then you must be blind."
I was growing frustrated. My attempts to push him away failed. "Joey, I honestly have no fucking clue as to what you are talking about, none. You say one of your friends loves me, well if that’s the case, they all have weird ways of showing it."
Joey grabbed my hands, looking directly into my eyes. In a soft voice, he spoke, "you think taking you to his house, feeding you ice cream, driving you to the airport and then coming home and moping around for the last three weeks isn't showing it?"
So he did mean Justin, I shook me head for what seemed like the thousandth time that day. "Justin?" His name left my lips as a question. "You mean the same Justin that was in the lobby sucking face with the blonde."
The grin that I thought was permanently painted on Joey’s face disappeared, exasperation now marring his features. He took a deep breath before speaking. "Blake, he was as far from sucking face with that girl as you are from seeing the god damn point. Justin does not respond to women the way he responded to you, don't you see. He cares about you, fuck that, let me rephrase, he loves you. And you left and he had to let you leave, he knew that. But all he's talked about this whole fucking tour is how he would have to find you when we got to LA. The whole fucking tour, Blake, do you know how sick and tired I am of hearing about you? He's had to ride on the bus with Lance and I, because JC and Chris kicked him off of his."
He hurriedly continued, the smile returning, "and that blonde, Blake, besides being too fucking young for him, is his cousin. Yes, Justin's from the south, but damn it, he isn't like that."
I stared at him, not knowing how to respond. The words I had spoken in the hallway came crashing down around me, haunting me. How could I have been so stupid, how could I have so easily jumped to conclusions? My stomach churned at the thoughts, bile rising in my throat. Disbelief in myself filled every fiber of muscle, every atom of every molecule that made up my being.
"Joey." His name barely a whisper on my lips, "I’ve made a terrible mistake." I took a deep breath, willing myself to continue. "I saw Justin in the hall. I was a bitch, said a lot of things I didn’t mean, called his cousin a groupie and accused her of keeping his bed warm. Oh, God, Joey, you are right, I am thick. I can’t believe that for the last three weeks, I’ve just wanted to believe that he loved me, that there would be some future for us, and when I finally do find out, there’s nothing I can do about it. I’ve already fucked it up. Joey, tell me, why is life so fucking cruel."
"I can’t answer that question Blake, but I can tell you that you probably still have a chance, if you play Justin the right way. Wait, scratch that, let me start over, you don’t want to play him, but if you treat this in the right fashion, you can worm your way right back into his heart, that’s if you even left. It’s not like a few muttered words in some nameless hotel hallway would change the way he feels about you."
"But, Joey, you don’t understand. I let him down, I went back to work. I told him I would quit, that I would call him if I needed anything. I didn’t do that, Joey. And he’s pissed. Tell me what I need to do. Please tell me, because I love him and need him."
There they were. The words said out loud for another to hear for the first time, the sound of those syllables echoing off of the walls cemented my feelings. I loved him. I could no longer deny it. I didn’t want to.
"Blake, I’m going to go get him for you. You’re right, he probably is pissed and he may be distant at first and even rude. You know how he is. But he will listen. You need to talk, convince him that you jumped to conclusions, that you are sorry, that you didn’t mean it. Tell him that you were jealous. Explain to him why you had to go back to work. And it might not hurt to throw in that he has the best body, the best lips, or the best bedroom behavior. I don’t know, shit, make things up. Stroking the male ego can you get you far, where Justin is concerned."
He placed a hand on my shoulder and squeezed. "I’m going to go get him. You sit here, think of the speech you are about to deliver. Make it good, Blake, make it count, get him back, because if you don’t become part of his life again, I might have to kill him."
With his final words he departed. I sat in the chair staring into the room, trying to formulate thought. I had one chance to win him. This was the chance to fight for him that I wanted. I could not fail.