Lustful Memoirs
By: Gina - gina@basic-nstynct.com
Chapter Fifty SevenWe left in his rental car, my fingers fidgeting with my skirt, until he took my left hand in his, glancing at me with a reassuring smile. The contact although welcome, did nothing to settle my nerves. I thought about the four guys we would be dining with, all very different, yet all connected to him in a way that left little doubt as to the bonds of their friendship. I thought of Joey first, his infectious smile, his forever laugh. I had already spoken with him, he knew of Justin’s feelings for me, he knew of my feelings for Justin, he seemed okay with them. Actually more then okay with them, he was accepting, forcing us back to each other with his words. As I thought about him, I knew that I had no worries, Joey would react to me as if I was meant to be by Justin’s side, that there could be no other person there. At least there would be one that wouldn’t look at me with daggers.
Lance’s image was the next to filter through my mind. For some reason, his visage pulled a certain amount of calm over me. His compassionate green eyes, his caring nature. Even if he didn’t agree with Justin’s choice of a date, he would be supportive, understanding. Something deep within me knew, although I don’t know how, I just did.
It was the remaining two that had me the most worried, Chris and JC. Both were extremely protective of their younger friend. I wondered what Chris thought, how he would feel. Would he be understanding, supportive, or would he try to convince Justin that an ex-hooker wasn’t the ideal girlfriend, the ideal love interest. Chris, I thought, could go either way.
JC’s reaction wasn’t such a mystery. I already knew what it would be. I think it was he that made me the most nervous, he didn’t like me, didn’t like me with Justin, and he wasn’t the type to be silent about that. As I thought of JC, Justin’s words sprang forth, "we haven’t been friends in a very long time." He had said the words to me on more then one occasion and each time I had seen his blue eyes cloud over in grief. His best friend, his support, his rock shattered by a woman that he couldn’t get over, shattered by a woman that was my sister. She shattered the man, therefore shattering their friendship. I knew that Justin had tried to be understanding, tried to be supportive but as time passed and JC continued to exist in the lull of depression, Justin grew frustrated, until a heated battle ensued, severing the ties holding them close to one another. My eyes drifted to the man seated next to me, if there was one thing that I could do that would even come close to the things he had done for me, it would be reuniting him with JC. I didn’t know how I would accomplish that, but I certainly knew where I would start. I had to talk to Brenda. As the plan started to form in my head, my nerves started to ease. JC wasn’t the monster I longed to make him out to be. He was hurt, grieving and unsure of how to handle it. Those emotions I could understand, I could relate to. It gave us common ground. Justin had healed me, yet had been unable to heal his friend. My jaw set, my mind made up, that would be my job, my way of thanking Justin for making me find my true self, for making me have the strength to make the changes I needed to make, for being himself.
We arrived at the restaurant, a determined smile on my face. Justin opened my door, taking my hand. I exited the vehicle, moving toward him, placing my lips on his hard line of his jaw. I kissed him softly. Our eyes met and I smiled. He seemed confused at the sudden change in my demeanor. I squeezed his hand, reassuringly.
"Everything’s going to be fine. Come on, I’m hungry." I said to him, pulling him toward the entry.
We approached our table, finding it already occupied. Joey stood. His hand outstretching to take Justin’s. They hugged, quickly, before Joey turned his attention to me.
"Blake, you look absolutely stunning. Justin sure is one lucky man." His face gleamed with mischief, yet his eyes showed sincerity, a secret message reserved just for me. A message telling me that everything was going to be okay, that he was happy that Justin and I had worked things out.
Without warning, a hand appeared on Joey’s arm. He turned, revealing a girl of short stature, wild curly hair framing her face. I hadn’t seen her standing behind Joey. She glared at him, teasingly.
"Joey, the forever flirt." She glanced at me, smiling. "Now, Joe, introduce me to Justin’s stunning friend."
I thought I could see Joey blush, as he turned to, whom I assumed and was to learn, was Kelly. She couldn’t have been further from what I was expecting. However, with glance at the way they looked at each other, I knew that Joey had been right. He had found the person that he had been looking for.
After the introductions, we sat. A waiter took our drink orders and we talked. It was silly discussion about nothing in particular, just four friends hanging out, enjoying themselves. In the midst of a particularly funny moment, Lance approached, his left hand wrapped securely around Jen’s waist. They were the picture perfect couple. We all stood to greet them. Lance, though surprised by my presence at first, didn’t seem to mind it. The banter that had begun prior to his arrival continued as he and Jen took their seats. As we spoke, I watched them, their hands intertwined, my eyes resting on Jen’s left hand, a diamond solitaire graced her ring finger. She noticed my interest, our eyes meeting. Sheer happiness gleamed back at me from her hazel orbs. I mouthed the word "congratulations," to which she whispered back, "thank you, you too," her eyes shifting to Justin sitting beside me, talking to Joey. I could feel my cheeks flush, as I realized for the first time that he was truly mine. I had known it, could feel it in the hours that we spent prior to dinner, but to have it acknowledged by someone other then the two of us, caused my breath to catch in my throat. I turned to look at him, his handsome features cast in the shadows of the dimly lit restaurant. He was mine. I placed my hand on his thigh to confirm that he was real. I squeezed gently, getting his attention. Our eyes met.
"Everything okay?" He questioned. I smiled in response, nodding my head. He leaned toward me, kissing my cheek, before returning to his conversation. I sat content, my head dizzy with alcohol, with the atmosphere, with the man seated next to me.
My respite was short lived as my stomach somersaulted at Chris’ approach. To my surprise, a woman followed behind him. They strode to the table hand in hand. Her long blonde hair swirled around her face. Deep set blue eyes reflected the light from above. I instantly recognized his companion as Melanie, the woman whose face graced the wall in his room. To my greater surprise, as we stood to greet them, Chris grabbed my hand firmly, a friendly smile parting his lips.
"It’s good to see you Blake. I see Justin found you."
I could only smile in response.
As Chris sat he continued, "It’s about damn time too, because if he said one more damn word about you, I was going to staple his lips shut. And don’t think I was kidding about that, either."
I looked over to Justin. A light crimson color snaked up his neck. I laughed.
More drinks were ordered and received, laughter continued around the small wooden table as we awaited the arrival of the final member of our party. My eyes continued to scan the aisle leading toward us, my stomach churning each time someone occupied the space, only to feel relief when it wasn’t him. Anxiousness rose through me, so much so that I could no longer participate in the discussion. I laughed and nodded and for Justin’s sake kept up the appearance that I was okay, but inside I was anxious, worried, and unsure. I had made it my goal to help him, and I knew how I would do that. But would I be able to survive through dinner. I knew as I thought back over the many encounters I had had with JC that he wasn’t always uncaring, wasn’t always unkind, wasn’t always the son of a bitch that I made him out to be. There was softness in him hidden by the hardness that Brenda had created. I held onto two hopes as I sat, one that he would show up and the callous, rudeness would be replaced by the caring, sweet gentleman, that I knew he could be, or two, that he wouldn’t show up at all.
I raised the glass of strawberry flavored liquid to my lips, causing my eyes to shift from the company that surrounded me to the aisle that led to our table. My gaze fell on him, the one that I had hoped wasn’t coming, the one that I hoped would arrive and at least be civil. One look into the ice blue of his eyes, and I knew that neither hope would be realized. He approached the table alone, looking thinner then the last time I had seen him. His face seemed more chiseled, his clothes hung more loosely on his thin frame, he looked sickly. Deep, dark circles surrounded his eyes. His skin hung from the bone. It didn’t appear as though he had been eating or drinking. He looked away from me, but not before I saw the displeased expression on his face. He took his seat, acknowledging all members of the party with the exception of me, and interestingly, he ignored Justin as well.
I looked at Justin, wondering what his reaction would be, he smiled, the smile that didn’t reach his eyes, a smile only for my benefit, showing none of his true feelings. That fake smile irritated me for I knew better, I could see in his eyes the hurt that pooled in the deep blue depths, the hurt that the snub had inflicted. I smiled at him, reaching under the table to grab his hand, to ensure him that everything was going to be fine, to ensure him that I was there, and that I loved him. As our skin touched, I knew I had done the right thing. His cheeks rose, his mouth pulling open wider revealing those milk-bathed teeth. His facial features meant nothing to me, I looked into his eyes, the blue brightening, the clouds replaced by light. Satisfied that he was now okay, I turned my eyes back to the table, a smile on my face, my hand remaining in his. I looked pointedly at JC, letting him know that his attitude held no effect over me, that I wouldn’t let him come between Justin and me.
To my amazement, dinner progressed rather well. The food was absolutely decadent. The conversation enjoyable, at times so funny tears streamed down my face. I noticed, however, that JC didn’t speak, he ate his dinner, followed the conversation but not once did he open his mouth, not once did he have a word to offer. Justin engaged every topic that was broached. I even offered my opinion on a number of the subjects, yet he remained quiet. As if restraining himself from the words that threatened to pour from his mouth. I, for one, was thankful. I had no interest in anything that he had to say, his eyes told the whole story, the disgust he felt at my presence, the near hatred that brewed in his eyes each time he looked at Justin. I could only wonder what those words would be if he did utter them. Unfortunately, I wouldn’t have to wonder for long.
Dinner had ended, dessert had been consumed, each and every one of us sitting around the table, save the select one, was content, enjoying after dinner drinks and the company that surrounded us. A few minutes passed and the conversation lulled. It was then that Lance stood. Eyes clouded with surprise, looking at the man standing in front of us, all of us unsure of what he was doing. He grabbed Jen’s hand, then cleared his throat.
"Guys," Lance began, "and girls, of course, I have something to tell you. I’ve been waiting for the right time, and lately there hasn’t seemed to be one, but now, we are all together, and I feel as though if I don’t tell you now, I will explode from the anticipation.
A few pairs of eyes gave Lance a knowing look, already noticing the ring that was placed securely on Jen’s left hand. Other’s, still unsure of what announcement Lance wanted to make, sat even more confused.
"Jen and I are engaged. I have asked her to be my wife, to be mine forever. And, thankfully, she has said yes."
A hoot and a holler followed his announcement, all of his friends, including JC, stood to pat him on the back, to capture him in a congratulatory hug. The women turned to Jen, each looking at the symbol of the coming marriage. The waiter brought a bottle of champagne, which Chris duly opened, the frothy liquid spilling over his hand and onto the cloth-covered table. Glasses were raised in toast. Smiles adorned every face, including, I was happy to see, JC’s.
As soon as the celebration calmed down a bit, Melanie looked to the happy couple, her eyes glazed from the alcohol she had consumed.
"So, are you going to tell us how he popped the question?"
Everyone around the table turned their heads to Lance and Jen, expectantly awaiting the answer to the question. Lance gave a lopsided grin, a crimson blush rising from the back of his neck, yet his face held contentment, his eyes shown the love that burned within him for the woman sitting beside him.
Jen took a sip of her water, preparing herself to tell the tale, a tale she was only too happy to share. It was a proud moment, a happy moment. I felt that I was on their cloud with them, floating away with them, surrounded in the love that they shared for each other. It was heartening to see. True love existed, it was evident right in front of me, and as I rubbed the palm of my hand against Justin’s thigh I knew that it existed right beside me as well.
"Well, most of you know that Lance and I met in the most unconventional way. And at first, I wouldn’t give the poor boy a break," She smiled at the man sitting beside her, he leaned over and kissed her cheek, his grin widening. "Well, on our first date, he wanted to take me to the beach after dinner, I, being the jaded bitch that I was then, thought it was a complete seduction ploy. He’d take me to the beach and the blanket would be on the sand faster than Joey used to bring out his little black book."
"Hey now," Joey responded, causing everyone to laugh, "that’s over with."
"I know, Joey, I said used to." Jen teased him before continuing her story, "well, I told him there was no way I was going to the beach. So, being the gentleman that he is..."
Chris burst into a fit of laughter, interrupting Jen’s story.
"You mean, the gentleman that he was. I've heard him in his room with you, you guys forget I am right next door. He's no gentleman anymore, you’ve turned him into one nasty bitch."
I gasped at his words, sat stunned as he reached across the table and planted a wet sloppy kiss on Jen’s cheek, "And that’s why I love you." He finished, letting her go
Jen rolled her eyes, shaking her head. She used the back of her hand to swat him away. The rest of the table erupted into laughter as Chris sat back down, nursing the bruise that he swore Jen’s playful slap had caused.
"Okay, okay, Chris stop your nonsense. Jen, finish." Melanie prompted impatiently, "I, for one, can’t wait to hear."
Jen continued, "Well, that night, after Lance dropped me off back at my car, something told me that I had been wrong, so I followed him to the beach, we ended up talking until the morning, it was wonderful. The night before the tour started, Lance and I had a date. I had no idea where he was taking me, which wasn’t strange to me, he never tells me where he’s taking me anymore. So, I get in the car, and I ask him. He tells me to just wait. I’m frustrated with him, but happily go along. He starts driving. I recognized the restaurant immediately. It was the place we shared our first dinner. We had a fabulous meal. After dinner, we walked out to his truck. He held my hand for a long time before he opened my door. As I settled into my seat, he turned my head to face him. He whispered, ‘Jen, can I take you to the beach?’ I gaped at his question, replying with ‘of course.’ I wasn’t sure why he asked. It hadn’t even dawned on me. We arrived at the beach, and after a short walk, a blanket came into view, sitting on the blanket was an ice bucket with champagne, and a small radio, playing soft music. I turned to Lance."
She turned to look at him then, the look of all encompassing love spreading over both of their faces, a tear of sheer happiness formed in the corner of Jen’s eye. I felt the tickle in the back of my throat. The entire story was completely heartwarming.
"This is my seduction ploy, he announced to me," Jen continued her story. "I smiled at him. So after a couple of glasses of champagne, he asked me if I wanted to take a walk, I grabbed his hand and we strolled down to the water. Just out of reach from the waves was a sandcastle, expertly built. I was surprised that it still stood, it was then that I saw it, written in the sand forming the protective wall around the castle was the question, Jen, will you marry me. I turned to him, unable to speak, in his hands, he held this ring."
Jen held up her hand to point to the diamond solitaire secure on her finger.
"I couldn’t say no."
I listened in wonder, as Jen told her story. I glanced at the persons sitting around me. Lance sat, his fingers fidgeting with the tablecloth, his other hand wrapped securely in Jen’s. His face shown the color of embarrassment, his eyes were showing contentment and happiness. The rest of us sat in awe, unable to hide the complete amazement we felt at the story that had been shared.
Chris was the first to speak. I had to laugh at his words.
"Damn you, Bass. Fuck. I mean really, you have to go and do all this romantic shit, her favorite flowers, the restaurant you guys ate at on your first date, the beach, blah, blah, blah. You make me sick. Do you know what this means?"
My eyebrows raised, I knew that he was kidding. Yet he never failed to amaze me. The words he had uttered had been unexpected, at least to me. To the others it seemed par for the course that was Chris. They sat, waiting for Lance to answer Chris’ question. A question for which there was no right answer. Lance got off easy.
"No, Chris, what does it mean?" A lopsided grin covered the blonde’s face.
"It means that everyone else’s girlfriend is going to expect this kind of proposal. That’s not fucking fair."
Once again, the table erupted in laughter, all of us continuing to offer our congratulations to the couple.
I glanced at Jen, "that’s such a wonderful story, Jen, I’m very happy for you."
She turned to me. "Yours and Justin’s will be just as wonderful. He’s a little romantic, when he wants to be."
I looked at Justin, he turned away, a small grin forming on his lips, that lip pulled between those lips in that little boy way of his. I smiled.
The smile quickly left my face as JC spoke, "Tell me something, Justin." My eyes darted to the man seated beside me, his own blue orbs looking intently across the table at the man that had addressed him for the first time that night. The tone was like ice, frozen, chilling. The words that JC had withheld throughout dinner were going to pour. I wanted to grab Justin’s hand, lead him away from the table, take him in to my arms and protect him from the words that were about to come. But I could not protect him, or myself.
"Tell me, how exactly does one go about having a romantic loving relationship with a hooker?"
His words didn’t phase me. The eyes of the three women sitting around the table burning into me didn’t phase me. The look of sympathy on the other three men’s faces didn’t phase me. It was the look that graced Justin’s handsome boyish features, the clenched jaw, the muscles tightening one by one, up his neck over his face. His eyes glassed over in pain, his body flinched as if he’d been physically struck. I watched the myriad of emotions swell over him, but mostly I saw the pain, felt the pain, and my anger soared. I could not hold it back, my need to protect the man that had done so much to protect me, more important to me then breathing. I stood from the table, walking to stand directly in front of JC.
"You," I accentuated the word, thankful that the hour was late, and the restaurant was nearly deserted, "you are a heartless, selfish bastard. A person who could sit here, and say those words, to a person that is supposed to be your best friend. How dare you? After everything you and him have been through together? After everything you and the other four men sitting around this table have been through together? You have the audacity to ruin everyone’s evening like this. Lance and Jen just announced their engagement. This is a time of celebration and joy and you had to ruin it. You are pathetic, do you understand. I pity you, because these people that surround you, care about you and love you, and all you’re intent on doing is throwing them away. Well, I pity you. You can say whatever the hell you want about me. You are right, I’m a hooker."
Justin came to stand beside me, his arm on my wrist, pulling me away from the man seated in front of me.
"Justin, let me go."
"Blake." He said my name, his tone begging, his eyes pleading, yet I could not give into him. I had to finish. The words stuck on my tongue like hot oil, burning. They had to be said. He let go of my arm, allowing me to turn back to JC. He sat stoic; poised, unyielding to the fury I inflicted. I couldn’t care less if he didn’t hear me, I had to express my feelings, for I knew in my heart, that this dinner would be the last time I would talk to him, the last time I would want to, unless he changed. So, I had nothing to lose, I was going to say the words that burned within me, and he could either take them to heart or shrug them off, but the words were going to be said, for my own benefit if not his own. Justin’s hand remained on the small of my back as I took a deep breath and gathered my thoughts. My tone softened by Justin’s touch, yet just as intense, just as hell-bent on getting my point across.
"Yes, JC, I’m a hooker." My tone was softened by Justin’s touch, yet just as intense, just as hell-bent on getting my point across. "Yes, I admit it. Yes, people pay me to have sex with them. It’s all true, JC. Every last word you said is true. But your words have no effect on me, none at all. You know why? Because, even with my current job, I could never reach the low you are currently on. To cause that pain, to cause that look that now graces his face, is as low as any one could ever go. And you are there. But I can’t let you. I can’t let you continue to hurt him like this. Because whether you believe it or not, you cold hearted, selfish son of bitch, I love him. And I will not stand by and let you hurt him. There is a decent human being in that body of yours, JC. I’ve seen it, I’ve heard about. Every person around this table has seen it. Every person around this table wants that person back. And it would do you good to find him, because if you don’t, the only kind of affection you will ever get will be in the arms of a hooker. And when that day comes you would be hard pressed to find someone as good as me."
As the final word in my monologue was spoken, I turned in Justin’s arms. His turquoise eyes were wide, yet I was unsure of the emotions. I raised myself up to him and placed my mouth over his. I kissed him furiously, all my emotions, all my feelings, the love I had for him, burned between us. In answer to every question that swirled in my head, he kissed me back. I then turned from him, walking toward the exit of the restaurant. I was no longer able to look at him. No longer able to see the pain that cut through his eyes. The words JC had said held no effect on me. I had meant what I had said to him. He could say anything he wanted to me, about me. He could use any words he damn well pleased. But as he said them, I could see the pain write itself on Justin's face. That I could not tolerate. Could not fathom letting someone inflict such hurt. So, I turned on my heel, walking away from the table, walking away from Justin. I couldn't cause his pain. I wouldn't be the cause of his pain. JC didn't like me, JC didn't like Justin with me, and as much as his opinion didn't matter to me, I knew that it affected Justin, affected him more then even he would admit. I couldn't let him put up with that because of me anymore. I knew he valued JC's friendship, regardless of the words that he spoke to me. Regardless of the apathetic air he tried to create, he valued JC's opinion. To know that JC did not like or agree with his choice of women, deeply bothered him. It was clear. Why it effected him so, it wasn't my place or my business to question. This was how he felt, my only choice was to accept it. And so, I did. I would leave them. I would leave him.
I exited the restaurant, thankful for the cool air. I asked the valet to summon me a cab, having it come a block or two from where I stood. I wished to get away from them, as far away as my legs would take me. And then I wished to go home. As I walked I thought about the other members of the dinner party, let my mind think for just an instant about what they were doing during my berating of JC. I had been too focused on my words to even notice, too intent on looking into his eyes for any sign of recognition, any sign of realization, any sign at all that he would take my words to heart, that he would realize everything that he was throwing away. There had been no such change. I had done my best to get him to see things clearly, and I had failed. Yet, I knew that I had one more card to play, even though the events of the evening had transpired the way they did. I would still play it. I would still talk to Brenda with the hope of giving JC the closure that he needed. For if he had that, then, in my eyes he had absolutely no reason to not get over her and move on. He had no reason to continue to act as he was acting. He had no reason to not be the friend that I knew Justin needed. I would do it, not for him, but for Justin.
I took another step, deciding that the sooner I talked to Brenda, the better. I paused at the stoplight and stood watching the traffic zoom down the busy street. Each person in their car, hurrying to wherever their life was taking them. I had no idea where mine was taking me, the thought ripped through my brain. I stopped at a sudden halt when I felt his hand wrap around my arm. He spun me so that I faced him. Tears brimming in the corners of his eyes, hanging on his lashes, threatening to make their marks down his crimson heated cheeks.
"Blake." He said my name before pulling me toward him, his arms capturing me, crushing my body against his. He buried his face in my neck, his tears moistening my skin. I rubbed his back, but knew nothing else to do. He shifted, pulling away.
"You can't leave me because of him. We can leave together. I should apologize for the way he treated..."
His words were cut off by the figure approaching us. JC stood three feet from Justin, Justin's arms protectively wrapping around me again, shielding me from him.
"Justin, you do not need to apologize for me," JC was angry, his words slightly slurred, I guessed from the alcohol that I didn’t know he consumed. "I have nothing to apologize for."
"The hell you don't."
He released me, slightly pushing me out of his way. He approached the other man.
"You need to apologize for every fucking thing you've done these last months. You've been nothing but a hateful spiteful prick. All because of a woman JC, a fucking woman, you've ruined every damn friendship that you have had over one fucking woman. I hope you’re happy, I hope that this is the way you want your life."
Their voices rose in the still night air, I stood frozen, unable to move, unsure of what to do, unsure of what he wanted me to do. I listened as the anger flowed between them, as the tension built around them.
"You have no right to stand there and talk to me like that, Justin." JC moved closer to him, their faces mere inches from each other. "What the fuck do you know? You think you're in love? You think this whore loves you?"
I could see the muscles in Justin's neck tightened, could see his fists clench.
"Is that what you think, you stupid fucking child? Because let me tell you something Justin. You don't love her. You don't have one fucking clue what the hell love is. You’re a nineteen year old kid that's been sheltered from the whole fucking world your entire fucking life, so don't stand there and tell me that you know anything about me or my situation. I loved Renee, loved her, with my heart." His hand rested over the said organ. "With my heart Justin, not my dick. Can you love that whore like that? Justin, listen to me. Have you ever once thought about it? Once, used the head on your shoulders and not between your legs and thought about it? Do you think of the other guys she’s been with, the multitude of other guys, me? Justin, there are a hundred men out there that have paid your girlfriend to sleep with them. And let me not be the first to remind you, that you used to be one of them. If I recall correctly you and Chris had a really good time comparing notes."
I flinched at his words, but let them go. If and when Justin and Chris had had such a conversation didn’t matter as I watched Justin’s reactions to his so called friend’s words. His muscles tensed, his face grew red. I could see the veins in his neck and in his forehead bulge with anger. I walked toward him, hoping to calm him, to pull him away from the hurt JC was inflicting. As I took a step, time stopped, the world spun. Justin lunged, pummeling the man standing before him. They rolled on the ground. I knew not what to do. I certainly couldn't come between them. They swung, arms thrashing, legs flailing, as they continued, the rage built between them unfurling.
In a flash, two new bodies joined the fray. I recognized Joey immediately. He pulled JC away, Lance coming to wrap his arms around Justin, holding him back. Chris immerged between them like Moses separating the angry Red Sea. He glanced from one to the other, his own face turning red. I stood, watching, not sure of what to do, knowing for sure that I had nothing to say. JC and Justin struggled against the arms holding them from each other. Clothing was tattered. Blood seeped from noses and corners of mouths. Lips swelled, as did eyes. Chris continued to look from one to the other, disgust showing on his face.
"What the hell are you guys doing out here?" His voice was stern, as if a father disciplining his sons.
Neither answered his question, both knowing that it didn’t require a response. Chris turned toward JC.
"I told you today, that we were going to dinner. That we were going to try to put this group back together, a group that I started, a group that you are destroying. It was to be a peaceful dinner, filled with laughter, good humor, and what the hell do you do? You bring your suck ass attitude that I told you to leave at home, with you. I'm sick of this JC, sick of it. It's affecting everything, this group, our friendships, but mostly it's affecting your life. And I don't like it."
He took a deep breath as he went to stand in front of Justin. "And you. You know that I don't care who you date, you could date a 500-pound sumo wrestler and I wouldn't give a shit as long as they made you happy and treated you well. But did you have to let him affect you? Did you have to hit him? He can't hurt you with his words Justin. What you and Blake have together is just that, between you and Blake. None of us have any right to judge that. But if you let his words affect you this badly, it makes me wonder exactly how confident in this relationship you are."
He walked to stand between them again.
"Now, here's what everyone is going to do. Joey, you take JC back to the car. Lance, once JC is in the car, you can let Justin go, then if you don't mind, can you go back in the restaurant and pay the bill, we will all square up later. Justin, you say good-bye to Blake, then get in the other car. We need to get back to the hotel. We are going to have a group meeting and we are going to decide if this is still what we all want. Because if it isn't, then I'm taking this old tired body home and you all can do whatever the fuck you want. Now go."
I watched the events unfold. Chris finished his speech. Joey walked JC to the car, the smaller man still huffing, still annoyed, still angry. As if on cue, the minute they reached the car, Lance let Justin go. I watched him make his way back to the restaurant, as Justin approached me. His lip was cut, drying blood crusting the corner. Long red scratches ran across his forehead, where it appeared he scraped the pavement. Bruises had started to form across his cheek, down his arms. He looked as if he had just gone a round with that sumo wrestler Chris had mentioned. I placed my hand on his cheek, his head moving out of my grasp as he winced. I frowned at him.
"You heard the boss, I have to head back to the hotel. I'm sorry tonight didn't work out the way we had planned."
"Don't worry about it, I'm worried about you. Are you okay?"
"Yeah," he sighed, "I will be, nothing a little ice won't fix. I have to leave with them, here's the keys to my car."
He went to remove the keys from his pocket, when I stopped him.
"Justin, I'll just take a cab, you go, get your friends back together, get your group back together. I'll be okay, but you, you have to settle this, because you can't lose the group. When I saw you perform, I knew that there wasn't anything else you could be doing. It made me understand why you love it so much. Justin, go, sort this out with your friends, make it better. And if it is me who is causing all of these problems, I'll leave. Because, frankly, you need to perform just as much as you need to breathe."
His face clouded with confusion. It took me a minute before I realized why.
"You've seen me perform? When?"
"A couple of nights ago, at the forum. I was there."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"When I've been with you, I've never thought about it. But you were amazing, all five of you were. Which is why it's so important that you guys straighten this out."
"I don't know if we can. It's JC, he's not the same, I'm not sure he ever will be again. If he stays the way he is. We have two options, we can replace him, or we can give up." He stopped for a second, his eyes darting to the distant, as he thought. "Actually, the first one isn't really an option at all."
"I wish I had the magic answer, I wish I could help him. But I don't know how." As the words left my lips, I knew it was a lie. I held the key to what was ailing JC, if only I could convince her of it. It didn't matter if she didn't want to be with him, didn't matter if they didn't get back together, but he needed closure, or he would wallow in the same cesspool that he was in. I couldn't tell Justin that, it was not the time, nor the place.
As if reading my thoughts, he stated, "only one thing can help him, Blake, and I don't know where she is." I frowned at him, letting my fingers rest on his arm.
"Try to talk to him Justin, don't let his words affect you, they don't affect me. Now, you better go, Chris is waiting for you." He turned his head, looking at the man leaning against the car, biting on his fingernails.
"Yeah, and he doesn't look happy. Are you sure you don't want to take my car? Are you going to be okay?"
"I'm sure, I know this city better then anyone. I can get around. Go. I'll call you when I'm ready."
He frowned at my words, his hand reaching between us to cup my cheek, "when you’re ready." He repeated, before lowering his head, and brushing his lips against mine. "I'll be waiting for you."
Then, he was off. I watched his retreating figure, watched as Chris said a few words to him, watched as he settled himself into the car, watched as the car drove away. I sighed. It had been a horrible night. I wanted to get home, take a warm bubble bath, curl in my bed, and sleep.