A Treasure Worth Seeking
By: Shellie - shelliemg at gmail.com
Chapter 15JC climbed from his bed annoyed by Joey's snores. He’d been so disappointed at the thought of sleeping alone in his bed without Lauren that he hadn't realized until they'd all decided to turn in that first night that his house didn’t have five beds. He hadn't slept alone after all, he'd been stuck with Joey. JC's bed was a King so space hadn't been a problem, but Joey's allergies were. His snores had gotten progressively worse over the past week and tonight they were unbearable. JC squinted at the digital display on the microwave as he crept by. 1:47am. He didn't want to wake her but if he was going to sleep at all, he was going to at least have to hijack Lauren’s comfy couch.
Quietly he tried the knob on her back door, frowning when it swung open easily. He wouldn’t have to wake her up now, but what was the point of replacing the locks on the door and adding the deadbolt if she didn't use them? It certainly wasn't about to deter Caroline from leaving. Thankfully, the child had been so frightened on her first venture outside alone at night, that she had become too scared to try it again.
JC paused inside the door, contemplating the long sofa and then the dark hallway ahead. He continued down the corridor and entered her room, stopping to observe her sleeping form. Her dark hair contrasted boldly with the white pillowcase and he longed to bury his nose in it, to inhale her sweet shampoo, to touch the smooth skin at her nape that was now exposed and waiting. Easing into bed beside her, he nuzzled his face into the crook of her neck as he gathered her body near.
She stirred, humming softly as she curled against him, welcoming him to her bed. "Mmmm, I was hoping you would come."
"Well, between you and Joey as a bed partner, it really wasn't a difficult decision to make."
"Oh great, I feel so much better knowing that you chose me over a big hairy man."
"Shush, and kiss me goodnight."
***
Lauren studied the boys in her living room as they watched TV. In the nine days since they'd appeared on her back porch, this was the first time they'd all been back in her house at the same time. She’d seen each of them a time or two when they followed JC over for a quick visit or break from their work and several times she'd watched as they played various sports in the sand behind the two homes. But sometime in the past few days, she'd gotten the feeling that something was keeping them away from her; she had yet to figure out if it was them or JC. Tonight what bothered her most was the realization that they'd been there for a long time. In the big scheme of things, nine days was merely the blink of an eye, but in the lives of these men with girlfriends, babies and companies to run, nine days was a lifetime. The time was rapidly approaching when they would have to leave; and when they did, they would take Josh with them.
Suddenly, she wondered if he'd miss her. Since his friends had arrived he'd been like a different man, at least while the sun was up. She still saw him every day but usually in 5 or 10-minute intervals when he could manage to sneak away. And even when he was with her, it was in body alone; his mind was still somewhere else. It was bitter sweet for her, watching his lips move silently as he created or perfected the lyrics to some new song. His fingers drummed, his toes tapped and often he sat and stared, completely lost in another world. Seeing him so involved in what he loved most… but at the same time jealous of the fact that his true love would one day soon be taking him away from her.
She'd long since admitted to herself that she'd let herself fall in love with him, even though she knew in the long run it was bound to bring her pain. She’d tried unsuccessfully to throw herself into her work and often spent hours each day staring at her computer screen or the manuscript she'd received from her editor. But the words blurred and faded and repeatedly she found her mind on him.
"You okay, Sweet?"
She blinked, her eyes focusing on his face, his eyes dark blue and concerned. She realized that in her day dreaming she'd unconsciously turned her face towards his. She smiled, watching his face relax as she did. "Yeah, I was just thinking about you leaving." The truth slipped passed her lips easily surprising them both.
His troubled expression returned. "We'll talk about that later after we are rid of the audience, 'kay?"
She nodded, swallowing the lump that was forming in her throat. He pressed a soft kiss to her forehead and she forced her eyes back toward the television. Instead, her eyes met Lance's. He smiled slightly, sadly, guiltily before looking away and she knew then why the others hadn't come around. They knew the same thing that she did. When they left they were taking him with them. And he obviously wasn't bringing her along.
***
"When are you leaving?"
Again her lips had betrayed her, blurting forth the thoughts that she’d been trying to hide during their shower. He didn't meet her eyes as he refastened the towel around his slender hips. His long hair fell over his forehead, as it was want to do and when he ran his fingers through it, damp curling strands clung to his neck in defiance. "Tomorrow."
Her breath left her in a whoosh as she gaped, "Tomorrow? You're leaving tomorrow and you tell me now?"
"We just decided this afternoon. We've got all this positive energy flowing and we want to get in the studio while it's hot. We've been practicing and it's amazing. We sound better than we ever have."
She sat bewildered in the middle of her bed; suddenly feeling naked and knowing it had nothing to do with her lack of clothing. She fought hard to keep her composure under his scrutiny, but she could scarcely breathe. She'd been expecting it for days, but to actually hear him say it was like a deathblow. The muscles in her face began to tense as she resisted the sudden overwhelming urge to cry.
"Lauren?"
She frantically searched the room for something to focus on other than his face. She knew she'd find pity there, or even worse, regret, and she didn't think that at that moment she could bear it.
"Lauren, please look at me." His voice was a whisper as he knelt upon the bed to reach for her.
"I...I can't, Josh. Please..." She concentrated on her hands, relaxing the clenched muscles in her arms, trying to force the trembling to stop.
He sat in front of her, his bare knee pressing into her thigh as he clasped her hands in his. "Baby, I'm so sorry. I didn't want to tell you in front of the guys." He laughed a sick, tired laugh, "Hell, I didn't want to tell you at all."
Her fingers curled into his until her knuckles turned white, as if she could keep him from leaving if she held on tight enough and didn't let go. "I knew you were going to leave. I've known it since the moment I looked up and saw them standing on my porch. But...tomorrow?"
He pulled her with him as he lay back against the pillows. He shifted, raising his hips to tug the towel from his waist and toss it to the floor. Aligning her body with his, he reached for he bedside lamp, filling the room with darkness.
Silently he lay beside her, wondering what she was thinking. Her hand moved timidly, her fingers trailing softly against the hard lines of his abdomen. Feeling his body begin to respond to her soft caresses, he closed his eyes and willed himself to relax and let her have her way. When she leaned forward to press her open mouth against his throat he moaned softly. He forced himself to remain still, his only movement being the rapid rise and fall of his chest and the faint brush of his fingers against her shoulder.
"If you're leaving me tomorrow, make love to me tonight...please." She shifted, sliding one leg across both of his as she moved atop him. His hands slid up her back and into her damp hair and he pulled her down, her mouth seeking his frantically. They kissed as if it was the last kiss they'd share, as if this would be their last night together and in the back of their minds, both wondered if that was true.
Her body caressed his top to bottom as she moved, parting her knees to balance on ether side of his legs. She rocked her hips, her body seeking his, finding him, engulfing him in one slow, velvet stroke.
She pushed herself up, her body sinking down until she rested atop his hipbones. Whispering her name, he trailed his hands along her body, cupping her breasts, surprised to find her skin slick. His fingers followed the wet trail to her face, his heart breaking when he confirmed his suspicion that the wetness was tears.
They made love silently, the only noises between them their breathing and an occasional whispered name. When she collapsed against his side, her body exhausted, her eyes swollen from tears, JC lay in agony, hating himself for having to leave her so soon after finding her.
Many times in the past week he'd considered asking her to go with him. If it weren't for Caroline he would have a hundred times over but the mother and child had already been through so much in the past several months... To ask Lauren to pack up a two-year-old and haul her wherever his career might take him in the next year would not only be unfair, but useless as well. He knew Lauren well enough that he knew Caroline came first to her and the life he led was not the life for a small child.
Picturing the small one in his mind brought tears to his eyes as he contemplated which of the two he'd miss most. The pair of them had become so firmly rooted in his heart that he was certain that when he left, he'd be leaving most of it there.
It was nearly dawn before he fell into a dream filled sleep.
***
"I'm going to ask her to come with me."
Joey nodded his approval and Lance smiled. "Good."
Then JC frowned, "She's going to tell me no and it's going to kill me. But I'm going to ask anyway." He glanced in the mirror once more, smirking at himself for being so worried about his appearance when Lauren had seen him at his worst many times over the past few months. It was like he was going to a job interview or something. Still nervous, he headed for the door.
"You sure you don't want us to wait?" Justin asked and JC waved his hand in dismissal.
"Nah. I want to drive my own car anyway. I may be next door for a while and who knows...maybe I'll get lucky and have to pack up two more before I go." He didn't sound hopeful. "I'll catch up with you guys tomorrow at Johnny's."
"Good luck, man."
"Thanks."
***
He knew something was wrong the moment he stepped through the door. Caroline sat at her mother’s feet whining and Lauren simply stared into space. She was sitting on the far end of her sofa, phone dangling from limp fingers. She didn't look up when he entered.
"Lauren?"
Startled she stared up at him surprised. "Oh...hey."
"You okay?"
She opened her mouth to speak but closed it again. A second time she attempted to speak. "No."
He stepped forward, dropping down to sit beside her on the couch and pulled the whimpering toddler into his lap. "What happened?"
"Steve is married."
JC sat confused. That wasn't the answer he'd expected. Who the hell was Steve? He thought for a moment, "You mean your ex husband?" She nodded and his frustration and confusion deepened. "Okay....so?"
"My sister saw them at brunch at her country club yesterday. They got married last Saturday and just got back from their Honeymoon. They have a child."
"Okay..."
"Josh, he and I have only been divorced for 7 months. He has a child with this woman."
"Oh."
"I mean... I just never thought..."
"Lauren, honey I understand that you are upset but you divorced the man because you didn't love him...or at least that is what you've led me to believe. What does it matter now what he was doing before? I just don't see why it's suddenly such a big deal."
She stared at him for several moments before shaking herself. "I'm sorry, I was just surprised. You look nice. Are you leaving soon?" Her voice was soft, broken.
"Yeah, but I wanted to stop by and talk to you a little first."
"Okay. I can't believe you are leaving already."
Dismissing the conversation, JC inhaled and exhaled nervously. He’d been planning his little speech since dawn, mentally rehearsing how he would tell her that he loved her. How he would ask in just the right way and maybe, if he was lucky, she’d say yes. Taking a deep breath he began "That is kind of what I wanted to talk to you about. Having the group around has made it hard for me to be able to spend time with you, much less alone to think. Lauren...?"
Startled she stared at him guiltily, the thoughts of what had been and what was to be overwhelmed her no matter how hard she tried to push them away. "I'm sorry. I'm just not all together right now, Josh. Can you give me a few minutes?"
"Um…sure." He felt suddenly foolish. "Is there something I can do?"
She didn’t respond and his feelings of foolishness began to turn to anger. "Lauren?" he questioned and she looked up at him as if she’d forgotten he was there. Fuck. What was the big deal? They were divorced for cripes sake. Doesn’t she love me? I thought she loved me but… He exhaled, standing and carrying Caroline into the kitchen with him. He leaned back against the kitchen sink and stared out the window. What a fucking dumb ass.
"Josh?" She appeared a moment later. "I’m sorry. I know you were trying to tell me something."
"It’s okay, I just-"
"I’m just all out of sorts. It’s just kind of a surprise, ya know? I mean…this means he was seeing this woman for…I don’t even know how long and it just makes me feel like a jerk for not seeing it."
I’m trying to tell you I love you, here. I’m trying to… "Lauren, I’m sorry but I don’t understand. I can tell you that I do, but I don’t. You’ve been divorced for months. You’ve been with me for months. Doesn’t that mean anything?"
"Josh?"
Angry he went on. "Apparently it doesn’t mean enough. I’m sorry your ex-husband was a dick. I’m sorry he cheated on you. I’m…just sorry. I’ve got to go. I just wanted to say goodbye."
"Now? Already?" She hadn’t expected that. The word goodbye uttered from his lips brought her back to the present, the feelings crushing her. She couldn’t let him leave like this, not without telling him the truth.
He nodded, "The guys are leaving now and I thought I'd just go ahead and go when they did."
She stared at him, her throat closing, her tongue-tied. There was so much she wanted to say, but she stood, frozen. This was just too much at one time. "Josh..."
"I'm sorry. I really am but I just have to go."
"Okay...I guess I'll see you later then?" She couldn’t hide the hope yet despair that clung to her words. She knew that this was it, if nothing else, the past weeks had shown her that. Music wasn’t something he did. It wasn’t simple passion. It was the beating of his heart, the pumping of his blood. He was returning to it. Nothing else existed. She sighed; she couldn't believe he was just leaving, like this.
He pulled Caroline to his chest. "You be a good girl, sweetie. I love you my Sweet Caroline."
Whether or not she knew what was coming neither was sure but the little girl clung to him until her tiny fists turned white. Abruptly he handed her to her mother, prying her fists open before stepping away. "I'm sorry. I'll miss you both," he croaked as he backed away. "I’ll call you."
She watched as he practically ran for the door. "Josh?"
He paused, glancing over his shoulder.
"Please don’t leave like this. Angry at me… It does mean something, being with you." She took a breath, what could she say? "I just… I’m sorry."
He nodded, "Me too." And he walked away.